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These Make Me Think by Yoru-Sasayaki

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Submitted on
March 27, 2013
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"Attention seeker."
As I slide the knife across my tongue
The poison resting in my lungs
Fighting till the war's been won
But you're right, this is all done for fun.

The rope around my neck as I pull it tight
The struggles I face as I die to fight
And slowly, I fade off into a dark night...
Goodbye, smiles, goodbye, light...
Dying, breaking, losing sight
Of all that's proper, all that's bright
With all my strength and all my might..
I mean, I do this for attention.. right?
more stereotype poems XD
haters gonna menstruate .

comments please :)

facebook!:[link]
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:iconshui26:
I really like this poem. Before I start critiquing the work, I usually try and do the rating first...I'm not stingy, but I was really struggling not to give this poem a maxed out rating. I have to say that I was a little hard on the poem, right? Haha

Starting off, you use great imagery. I can see the knife, and blood dripping. Then you go on to the next stanza, and instead of cutting you use a noose to prove your point of death. I love how you even go down the line with pulling it tight, and then what the person would experience down to their last prayers.

The message you're sending out with the poem, I couldn't agree more with. I absolutely despise people who say cutters and people who commit suicide do it for attention.

Looking back at the poem, I also love how you make everything rhyme. It adds such flow to the poetry, and only adds more rhythm.

I don't know what to say, I love it! I don't even know how to tell you to improve on something. The formatting is consistent, and so is the poetry. Very good, I approve!
What do you think?
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:iconeternities22:
Eternities22 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah, it is. It's all done for attention.
Reply
:iconbatflashismydrug:
BatflashIsMyDrug Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh my God. I.... I have no words. Oh wow, that was..... wow. So intense, so moving. I just... there's no words.
Reply
:iconfallenangel12199:
FallenAngel12199 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student General Artist
wow that's all I can say
Reply
:iconmidnightbiter:
Midnightbiter Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
This really make me think of the line between attention and the unbearable torture...In fact I think Im gonna make a journal about this. (NOT AN AMAZING POEM LIKE YOURS but something to explain how I feel about this.) THANK YOU!
Reply
:iconerebusred:
ErebusRed Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013
Powerful writing. A good exploration of this controversial topic.
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:iconqwibes:
qwibes Featured By Owner May 14, 2013   Writer
Auch... I love it :)
Reply
:iconilovelyle:
ilovelyle Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013  Student
AMAZING
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:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconthe-raven-soul:
The-Raven-Soul Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I... thank you. Just. Thank you so much.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank YOU! <3
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