[x]

I'm Fine"Are you okay?"
That's all they say.
And I leave behind
These words in my mind.
I'm broken, I'm dying.
Inside, I'm crying.
There are wounds beneath my skin.
There are trials I face within.
There are things I just can't say.
There are people I must betray.
Beneath a smile, I feel pain.
Behind the sun, there's always a little rain.
And beneath these words I hold in my head...
There's always the thing I say instead.
I leave the truth behind..
So when they say, "are you okay?"
I always say, "I'm fine."

I am not a stereotypeSlide the blade across your wrist.
Again.
Again.
Again.
Stop.
"Doesn't it hurt?"
I can't feel anything.
"A little."

Punch your own stomach.
Harder.
Harder.
Does it hurt yet?
Yes.
Keep going.
"Why do you do that?"
The pain makes me feel alive.
"I don't know."

Stare.
Cry.
Scream.
Stop.
Keep staring.
"What's wrong with you?"
I'm dead inside.
"Nothing."

"Emotional freak."
I'm just depressed.
"Sorry."

Stare at your arms.
Your stomach.
Your waist.
Your thighs.
"What are you doing?"
I'm ugly.
"Never mind."

"Attention seeker."
I just have low self esteem.
"I'm sorry."

Cuts.
Scars.
Tears.
Emotions.

"Emo."
"Scene girl."
"Psycho."

I'm just human

BullyShh.
Shut up.
Don't
Say
Anything.

Run.
Faster.
Faster.
Faster.
Stop.

Scream.

Fear.

Die.

Demons in the shadows
Twisting
Turning
Staring.
Watch yourself
Bleeding.

Quiet now.
Hush, child.
They'll find a way
To get you.

Beatings, swallowing you.
Scars, defining you.
You.
Breaking.
Crying.
Dying.

After all
You know you're weak.

You can't fight a bully
When the bully's inside of you.

My MonstersI can't breathe.
It's too tight.
I hear so many things,
can't trust my sight.

The monsters surround.
No, they're not really here.
They reach out to grab me.
They smell my fear.

Have I finally lost my mind?
Am I totally insane?
Is this all in my head?
Is it just a sick game?

Or are they really there?
Do they smile as I scream?
Do they laugh at my tears?
Please, let this be a dream.

But it's not a dream.
I can't get out.
A hand surrounds my neck,
no air to shout.

Tears stream freely.
They start to close in.
I pray to god to help me,
to forgive all my sin.

The world starts to fade.
I can no longer see.
I smile in bliss.
I'm finally free.

AsylumWho are you?
Where are you?
What... are you?

The blinding white walls
Closing in on you
Trapping you
Drowning you.

Who are you?

Certainly not
yourself.
Certainly not that
happy little girl
jumping through fairy tales
as a sunset paints the silver sky.

Where are you?
Certainly not
home.
Definitely not where
you'd want to be.

What are you?
Certainly not
wanted.
Obviously not
needed.

Blood, scars, wounds.
Pain.
Torture.

All you see are shadows
In a room of white walls...

No Longer a Little GirlDear imagination, can't you be the thing you were
Butterflies and daffodils and happiness so pure
Sunny skies and lullabies and dreams of what could be
Hidden worlds and wonderlands of things they couldn't see
Shining gowns and silver crowns for dancing with the prince
Twirling with excitement, though the others weren't convinced

Dear intimidation, did you find it to be true
All I ever needed was an overdose of you
Silly stares and laughter slowly flood a child's mind
Making me abandon every daydream I could find
Lost beneath the shadows of the sky so dark and dead
Far too weak to turn around, yet scared of things ahead

Dear destructive ten

I am Me. Who are You?I am thirteen years old.
I am not typical.
I am not average.
I am me.

I have been in two mental facilities.
Both times for thoughts of suicide.
I am not emo.
I am not a freak.
I am me.

My mother attempted suicide about six months ago.
My sister attempted suicide when i was eight.
But, I am not a victim.
I am not tortured.
I am me.

My father had a heart attack just over a week ago.
He was hospitalized for nine days.
He recently returned to the hospital for kidney problems.
I suffer from Bipolar Disorder with Psychotic Features.
I have hallucinations.
I have delusions.
But I am not a disorder.
I am not my difficulties.
I am not my troubles.

Shooting StarsShe doesn't know what they are
She thinks the bombs are shooting stars
She wishes as the sky turns black
Wishes for her daddy to come back
She sits by the window, looking out into the night
Tonight feels different, not at all right.

She sits primly, in her pretty new dress
She had no cause yet to be distressed.

As the shadows creep long
She realizes something's wrong
The whorl distorted like a strange dream
For nothing is really what it seems
Her mother's loving touch is nowhere to be found
Her world explodes into thunderous sound
She turns her face into the burning sky
She doesn't realize she's about to die.

My SongThe music swirls all around,
till all I hear is the joyous sound,
twirling, spinning, moving me,
and the endless notes are all I see.

The beat becomes my hearts own.
I feel as though the light has shown,
and all the sadness fades away,
and I finally see a happier day.

My lips part, and I sing along
To such a redeeming, beautiful song.
These moments come and go too fast.
I enjoy them greatly as they last.

I laugh in glee.
I feel so free.
What magic is this,
this utter bliss?

Stay with me, my pretty song,
with you the days don't seem so long.
With you I am so filled with hope,
I know with you, somehow I'll cope.

Together we'll stay.
You'll

AnorexiaMeet a girl named No One, with a heart of shattered stone
Staring at the other girl, the one that's not alone
Girl with skin that glistens, with the eyes of crystal seas
Grin of shining diamonds and a laugh like a disease
Flashes just a glance and soon, she's every trouble's cure
She has everything… and No One's off to be like her.

Eating turns into a crime, she'd rather be away
Thrusting fingers down her throat to make herself okay
Watching as her very bones are seen behind her flesh
There she drowns in tears, for she has not yet seen success.

Minutes turn to hours, and these hours turn to days
Every moment slipping, slowly fading

I Met MeToday I met a girl,
and she asked, "How are you?"
"Just fine," I replied.
She said, "No, tell me what's true."

Perplexed, I stopped and stared.
She was young, no older than eight.
Her eyes were still innocent.
They knew no hate.

"What did you say?"
I asked in confusion.
"You know what I mean," she said.
This girl was in a delusion.

Trying to be kind,I replied,
"No I do not."
She frowned and replied,
"You lie quite a lot."

Now I was agitated.
What does this girl know?
Acting like she's so intelligent.
I'll just tell her to go.

"Let me explain!"
She exclaimed in haste.
"I know you're not alright.
I know you feel misplaced."

What?
How in

Freaks ShowFingers scratching at my wrist,
Wanting a beautiful kiss.
The lips they know too well,
Gradually I feel my mind compelling,
Back to almost a month ago,
When I was still apart of the freak show.
Dancing on the stage,
With a pointy blade,
Focused on a luscious vein.
The oh's and ah's of the crowd causes pain,
I finally notice how different I really am.
I finally notice there is nothing I can,
Do to pick up the glass without getting cut.
I finally noticed that all I am is a nut.
I finally noticed that deep down I'm in the freak show for life,
I can no longer hide and fight,
The true me when it's thriving to come out.
In this moment I do doubt,
T

SchizophreniaShh.
They're listening.
Look behind you.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
In again.
Faster.
Faster.
Stop.
"Are you okay?"
I'm dying.
"I'm fine."

Shapes, forms, bodies, animals, plants
Shifting, moving, being
Watching
Staring.
"What's wrong with you?"
Everything.
"Nothing."

Freak.
You're a freak.
No one wants you.
You should kill yourself, let them out of their misery
Do it
Quick.
Now.
Or we'll do the job for you.

"You're crazy."
I know.
"They're fake, you know."
No they're not.
"What are you doing?"
I'm shaking.
I'm dying.
This is how I live.

Save me
Save me, from the monsters, the shadows
Save me

"What can I do?"
You can stop.
You can stop bein

I Love You, DaddyDaddy, please don't touch me.
It doesn't feel good.
It makes me feel..
Naughty.

Daddy, please don't hit me.
I didn't mean to disappoint you.
When you hit me, it makes me feel...
Bad.

Daddy, please don't hurt her.
Mommy didn't do anything.
When you hit her, it makes me feel..
Mad.

Daddy, please don't say you love me.
I know you're lying.
When you say you still want me, it makes me feel...
Sad.

Daddy, please stop screaming at her.
You already killed her.
When you scream at her, it makes me feel..
Angry.

Daddy, stay there.
Let me sink the knife into your throat.
When you bleed, it makes me feel..
Alive.

Daddy, aren't you happy now?
As you

Secret WordsI know you need help.
It's so plain to see.
Please don't hurt yourself.
You can count on me.

I'll hold you when it's tough,
wrap you up tight.
I know life is rough,
but I'll be your light.

I love you, I do.
You're everything to me.
you don't believe it's true,
but I want to set you free.

I'll be your rock
when all your strength is gone.
I'll be your lock
when everythings gone wrong.

So please don't cry,
my love, my life.
I know you want to die,
but I'll help you through the strife.

Because I'll be there to catch you
when everything falls apart.
I love you, it's so true,
with all of my heart.

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Mommy's Suicide Mom... Did you just...

Pills and whiskey down her throat
As she slowly stumbles down the stairs.

Yes.

Through her cries and regret
She begins crashing into walls.

Panic.

"Call 911!" I yell, as I begin holding my mother
After she collapsed, her head hitting the floor.

Why...

I hear police sirens outside our home.
My sister runs through the front door in fear.

The paramedics begin asking her things
That she barely knew the answer to.

"What's your name?"
"Do you know where you are?"
And most importantly..
"Why did you do it?"

...

"I didn't want to bother her anymore."

Poor Man's GoldHush the youngest children, for the demon in the skies
Treasuring the very thought of anyone's demise
Glitter fades to black and shining moonlight fades to dust
Every cruel man's wonderland is built of poor man's trust
Tragic, empty melodies and blood beneath the air
Fearlessly escape the wind and drown without a care
Treasure death as platinum, as silver and as gold
Every cruel man's wonderland is built of poor man's gold...

Canvas Is The MirrorA canvas is a mirror
The paint drips down with my reflection
The canvas is my mirror
Maybe imperfect
But only because
The canvas is me.

The canvas is your mirror
As the brush tickles its surface
The canvas is our mirror
Messy
Ugly
And beautiful.

The canvas is a mirror
The depth of the artwork stares back into my
Eyes.
After all, I do not paint a canvas
Because the canvas
Paints
Me.

Sick of societyI may live inside my own, twisted universe
I may change, sometimes for the worst.
What's normal to me is not normal for you.
Sometimes I just do what I need to do.
Behind a brick wall, I hoped someone would break it
I threw out my heart hoping someone would take it.
But I got tired of hiding and tired of hating
And instead of throwing myself at every guy, I'm waiting.
I'm sick of the person I tried to be
So basically, here I am, I will be me
I'm sick of the hatred, would you not agree?
.. Basically I'm sick of society.

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Bipolar Disorder

by ~MikkiMarie, Feb 1, 2013, 10:33:43 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Shut up.
Shh.
Quiet.
Don’t. Say. A n y t h i n g .

“Are you okay?”
I’m dying.
“I’m fine.”

Scream.
Cry.
P an i c .

“What’s wrong?”
Everything.
“Nothing.”

Close the window.
Open it.
Close it.
Open it again.
No, stop.
Close it.
Good.

“What’s wrong with you?”
I’m losing control.
I’m empty.
I’m dying.
I am Bipolar Disorder.

… “I don’t know.”

Bipolar Disorderby ~MikkiMarie

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

This is a quick poem i made on my experience with Bipolar Disorder with Psychotic Features. thanks for reading.. comments?

~Mission-46 Feb 27, 2013

Cool poem, I am Bipolar, too!!! Tc and God bless

~Nniicole Feb 22, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

You are a beautiful author!
I have a vague idea of what Bipolar Disorder is. Are you able explain?
Thanksss!

~MikkiMarie Feb 22, 2013

It varies from person to person. It's just a terrifying, horrific disorder sometimes, and other times not so bad.
I can't really explain it. It's quite complex.
Thank you so much!

~Nniicole Feb 22, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

Well, it makes you unique so that is good but it causes pain so that is bad xD

You are honestly the best author I have ever read! (:

~TheSpitfireSpirit Feb 20, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Me.

*DawnsPandapants Feb 3, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

I relate to this, though I don't know if I have bipolar disorder. ^~^
This is a great poem!

~MikkiMarie Feb 3, 2013

Thank you so much!

~Blaiseblue Feb 2, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

~busydreamin11 Feb 2, 2013 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

I relate to it...I'm Bipolar and everything you wrote is how I feel on a daily basis. It's very good.

~MikkiMarie Feb 2, 2013

Thank you so much <3

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