Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
I am a victim of a shadow named fourteen
And a little girl, my old best friend who turned into a demon.
Fourteen human figures without a face… they attack my soul
And everybody’s staring at me without an honest reason.

I am a victim of the people of the world
Who only want to hurt me, and my innocent family
Terrified of the ones around me, even those I love
When a nightmare becomes my reality.

I can’t take a shower without peeking outside the curtain
And I can’t close my eyes when I wash my hair
Because I’m horrified, afraid that when I open them
I’ll see somebody with a bloody face angrily standing there.

Sometimes I unlock the doors and then lock them again
And to be honest, I’m not completely sure why
And I can’t go upstairs at night, because what if there’s a fire?
I won’t be able to make it out in time.

I am a victim of a shadow named fourteen
And a little girl, my old best friend who turned into a demon.
And somehow, out of all people, this disorder chose me
And I’m tortured without an honest reason.
I skipped my pills for about a week, and oh boy. I'm never doing that again.
This is me.
Comments? Critiques? I appreciate them all! <3
Add a Comment:
 
:iconepixelle:
Epixelle Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aw. :( I wish I had encouraging words for you, but to be honest I don't know what you are going through. I totally get the not closing eyes in the shower thing, though. That stuff is scary o.o
Reply
:iconmarcytrancy:
MarcyTrancy Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2014  Student Artist
I'm Bipolar with a bot of depression at 12.....The part about being scared of closing my eyes in the shower,locking the door and going up the stairs at night is what I do a lot.....It's freakin' creepy
Reply
:iconpiepiepinkype:
piepiepinkype Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The two lines "I can't take a shower without peeking outside the curtain and I can't close my eyes when I wash my hair" literally describe me in the shower. 
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 12, 2014   Writer
Oh hunni. I've been bipolar since I was 14, so a decade now. I remember all of these feelings so vividly from when I was younger. I still have problems closing my eyes in the shower sometimes except I imagine Norman Bates instead of a bloody face. I know this was written a year ago and you were back on your meds but I hope you're doing much better now. I'm not going to say that it gets better but it does get EASIER to deal with over time. I wish you all the best. :heart:
Reply
:iconrandomnote96:
randomnote96 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Absolutely beautiful! When I was young I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Severe Anxiety Disorder and Tourette Syndrome, so this poem really hit home. I went to public school for the first 5 grades... It was hell. I was not paranoid about inner demons but every time my mom went out I was afraid she wouldn't come back due to a tragic accident. She had to stay in the school library when I was in class, but even then she usually had to take me home early because of extreme stress. I had panic attacks, my Tourette's caused neck problems and I cried on a daily basis. Now I have the right medication and I function just like a normal teenager. I may not know exactly what you're going through, but I know that it does get better no matter how much you think it won't. Hug 
Reply
:iconroxyrapp:
roxyrapp Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I have Bipolar Disorder and Depression at 13... this describes it exactly... especially since i cant go on medication because it might make my depression worse... I cant even close my eyes at night for fear that Slender Man will come and get me, or walk in a room with sleeping people for fear they will wake up and become zombies... ^^
I also have anxiety disorder.... So, that magnifies it... hehe
Reply
:iconarashinoshinzo:
ArashiNoShinzo Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I have Bipolar Disorder, but also have ADD along with it as well. Trust me, having both is a battle. But, I'm on medication and it does help. One time, I didn't take them, and I will tell you...It wasn't pretty. I've been to a psychiatric hospital three times because of this. Please don't ever skip them again. I hope you are on good medication dear. 
Reply
:iconnvrsubtle:
nvrsubtle Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
your poems strike closer to home than i can appreciate in any way happily. but they still make me feel less alone in similar tortures. i wish i could stop reading them but i won't. thank you.
Reply
:iconkenntara833:
kenntara833 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Don't skip your pills again sweetie...
Reply
:iconmiseryofbrokenhearts:
miseryofbrokenhearts Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I suffer from Bipolar as well, I know how you feel when you get so anxious and paranoid of everything around you. But, sweetie please never skip your medicine again. It will help keep your moods more controlled. Anytime, I skip my medication I end up hospitalizing for harming myself due to my paranoia.
Reply
:iconflamebladegirl5362:
FlameBladeGirl5362 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Professional Writer
I may not bipolar disorder, but this made me realise a lot of things. it was so beautiful, and so well put out. you are an amazing poet, and bet you're an amazing person. I will read this a lot, probably once a day to remind myself.
Keep up the fantastic writing!! :)
Reply
:iconearthsoul22:
Earthsoul22 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
my older sister sufferers from bi-polar it's horrible you don't how to help them feel better when they're at a low point
Reply
:iconkiller-paw:
Killer-Paw Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:( i know how ya feel bipolar disorder is just....i mean i have it too and i hate it..... i was even put in the asylum for it a few times
Reply
:iconlonelyaura:
LonelyAura Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013
Oh, man. This definately strikes me as the more schizophrenic side of the spectrum, but still. This really strikes me. Thank you for this, and I hope your demons are held at bay by the medicines you take.
Reply
:iconsneeuwmaan:
Sneeuwmaan Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I dont know if you read my other critique on being yourself and appreciate it, but i hope it really helpes you, cuz i know how it feels not to be appreciated. Believe me. Even my dad and brother ypthink i am mad because of my clothes and switching from vwo( our university level) to mbo ( our lowest education level) just beacuse i like the education. And believe me, everyone is a puzzlepiece in the big puzzle of appreciation and love ad care and respect, and everyone will add the thing he or she thinks is needed, wrong or right. Just dont worry, cuz everything you do is tight in a certain way. And if you have a disorder; everybody has flaws, and if someone critisizes you, that is just because he has a flaw he doesnt dare to show or he will get critisized himself. I experienced. I know. So please be happy with who you are, and dont let critics hurt you,because there sure are thing other people envy you for.
Reply
:iconsneeuwmaan:
Sneeuwmaan Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh...I feel so sorry for you..but you turned it into a beautiful poem, honestly. This is one of the most beaufiful poems i have ever read, and the others are yours as well....are you really fourteen??
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm thirteen actually. :) Thank you!
Reply
:iconsamdisbored:
SAMDisbored Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013
I personally don't have Bipolar Disorder, but some of those lines really got to me...painful, but amazing.
Reply
:iconbreathinbreathout:
breathinbreathout Featured By Owner May 26, 2013   Writer
I LOVE IT HANNS
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well thanks ya!
Reply
:icon100dragonhearts:
100DragonHearts Featured By Owner May 19, 2013
This is so beautiful......
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3
Reply
:icon100dragonhearts:
100DragonHearts Featured By Owner May 19, 2013
Reminds me of myself....*extra hugs* :)
Reply
:icongitone:
gitone Featured By Owner May 16, 2013
I sell diagnosed with this at the age of 16, when it was still called manic depression. There was no treatment then and I received no treatment until I was 45. The only reason that I didn't kill myself was that I never lost the knowledge that there were some who loved me, though their love was never very nourishing, and some who were dependant on me.
May you be surrounded by a circle of love.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much <3
Reply
:icontheboiyaidragon:
TheBoiYaiDragon Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
This... This is beautiful! I have the same problem, except, no pills for me! Eheh..
Reply
:iconorchidwhiskers:
OrchidWhiskers Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
I can tell this poem has a large investment of emotions and it comes from your heart. You are a fantastic writer!
Reply
:iconnayruelric:
NayruElric Featured By Owner May 14, 2013
It was good, but being a host of bipolar disorder myself, (and I don't have meds,) this sounded more like Schizophrenia, or anxiety disorder to me... just saying...
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's bipolar disorder with psychotic features.
Reply
:iconstrudel--cutie4427:
Strudel--Cutie4427 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013   Writer
What exactly is that, actually??
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's... i don't know how to describe it D:
Reply
:iconstrudel--cutie4427:
Strudel--Cutie4427 Featured By Owner May 16, 2013   Writer
Do you have a wiki then?
Reply
:iconlonelyaura:
LonelyAura Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013
If I may say, I believe this is called Schizo-affective disorder. It is basically the "cross" between schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and may have more aspects of either disorder.
Reply
:iconstrudel--cutie4427:
Strudel--Cutie4427 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013   Writer
Ohhhh okay. That makes sence now :)
Reply
:iconnayruelric:
NayruElric Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
Never heard of it.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Not many people have. Haha. It's kinda close to schizophrenia I suppose :)
Reply
:iconnayruelric:
NayruElric Featured By Owner May 19, 2013
Can you send me a link to it or something? Are you sure it isn't something different? :?
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Reply
:iconstrudel--cutie4427:
Strudel--Cutie4427 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013   Writer
Yeah I thought the same
Reply
:iconnayruelric:
NayruElric Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
THANK YOU. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE. :highfive:
Reply
:iconstrudel--cutie4427:
Strudel--Cutie4427 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013   Writer
My mom has bipolar too, so that's how I know.
Reply
:iconnayruelric:
NayruElric Featured By Owner May 19, 2013
Yay for mental people! :XD:
Sorry if you don't find it funny... I always try to lighten the mood.
Reply
:iconstrudel--cutie4427:
Strudel--Cutie4427 Featured By Owner May 20, 2013   Writer
XD It's fine.
Reply
:iconisabelshecterstone:
isabelshecterstone Featured By Owner May 14, 2013  Hobbyist
bipolar disorder makes u a better artist just sayin...' and good poem
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Lol I've heard that! :)
And thanks :)
Reply
:iconisabelshecterstone:
isabelshecterstone Featured By Owner May 14, 2013  Hobbyist
no problem...learned it in one of my classes, that doesn't mean go off your meds though!
Reply
:iconsofieelisah:
SofieElisaH Featured By Owner May 14, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This hit me.
Reply
:icondahmii:
dahmii Featured By Owner May 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
hit a soft spot
Reply
:iconpsychwardsweetie:
psychwardsweetie Featured By Owner May 14, 2013
I used to despise myself for being mentally ill, until I began using writing as an outlet. If not for my diagnoses I don't think I would have ever discovered my passion for it. And it's helped me connect with some incredible people in ways I wouldn't be able to otherwise. Damn, the experiences you endure when mentally ill...That aside, I love this. I could relate to all of it and the way I see it, if the reader can find themselves in the written work of someone else which was inspired by personal experiences that's a sign of a damn good writer.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ohh thank you <3
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconmikkimarie: More from MikkiMarie


Featured in Collections

Literature by Thanatos-Faust

Literature by LunaDianaRaine

Poems and such by Caro-Kitty


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
May 8, 2013
File Size
1.3 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
2,704
Favourites
180 (who?)
Comments
91
×