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Dear everybody,
I’m not just moody.
I have Bipolar Disorder.
I don’t choose to have this unbearable depression,
Where I sob uncontrollably and the most unpredictable times.
A sadness that paints your entire mind,
And drips
Down into your soul.
And you don’t know when it’s suddenly going to
Change.
Change, from being a terrifying unhappiness,
To being such a fantastic happiness
So spectacular,
That you can’t even connect your thoughts with your own brain.
Where you challenge the world,
Because you feel bigger than a speck of dust for
The first time in your
Life.
And then?
It changes.
It changes from being such an incredible mess of emotions
To being the creator of no emotion at all.
And soon, the lack of emotion
Starts to eat away at your heart.
And you don’t choose to…
But it turns into an
Unbearable depression,
A sadness that paints your entire mind
And drips
Down into your soul.
This is Bipolar Disorder.
This is me.
This is who I am.

And I’m not just moody.
This is my experience with Bipolar disorder...
Yeaaaahhhh hope you enjoyed :)
Comments?

Check out my facebook for more poetry, for photographs, to give me poetry ideas or just to chat <3 [link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconerikhenrydestler:
ErikHenryDestler Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is just great. You write with great ideas.
Reply
:iconrosepetal179:
rosepetal179 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014
I just found out that I am bipolar too..
Reply
:iconm155-b3h4v3:
M155-B3h4v3 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hi there

I would really love to feature this on My Blog

Please could you give me a shout and let me know if you're interested.

Thanks 
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Go ahead! I'd appreciate it! :)
Reply
:iconm155-b3h4v3:
M155-B3h4v3 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for allowing me to use your work on my blog.

It can be found here ataleoftwomes.blogspot.co.uk/p…
Reply
:iconxjenniferthekillerx:
XJenniferTheKillerX Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I love ya girl! You write THE BEST poems
Reply
:iconrenegadeheart13:
RenegadeHeart13 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I have Bipolar as well so I know how hard it can be with the people around you. My own family always act like their walking on eggshells around me because they never know how I'm going to act; If I'm going to be on a major happy mania, if I'm going to be in a rock bottom depression, or if I'm going to be so angry I just want to throw my video game controler at the t.v. (or just name the video game consile, like I named my Gamecube Jeffery, so when I end up getting pissed off and start yelling I dont look like a total moron to people lol). They never know how to react and they dont treat me like a normal person. They also dont treat me like my actual age. None of my friends or Family do. And its all because they dont know how to react with me. Ive over heard my mother taliking to my step-father before about my bipolar, and she has said in the past that she just doesnt know how to handle me. That I'm a volitle kid. She says that even now when I just turn 21 years old this July on the 6th! Im no longer a kid or a child, and yet, because of my bipolar, they treat me like a twelve year old. My fiance gets the same treatment because of his bipolar disorder too, and it sucks. The only time it seems for the both of us, that it doesnt seem to act up, is when me and my fiance are around eachother and alone. Otherwise we constantly have to watch ourselves, especially around new people. Thats the reason why I became such a wall flower in High school. I didnt know how to control it enough not to blow up on a classmate or teacher all of a sudden and I was afraid I would do so. But I toughed it out and have learned to control it the best I can, even with the meds they put me on (which dont seem to work for me much anymore). Anyways, getting off my own soap box here (lol) this was a beautiful poem, and I think its wonderful that you were able to put how you felt about all of this (your poem) into words and share it with everyone here at deviantart. Very well done. 10 stars! lol

-Raven Lily :tombstone:
Reply
:iconwallavan000:
wallavan000 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I like bipolar people. You know that there is something wrong when you think that bipolar people are the coolest people ever and think that it would be kind of cool to be bipolar to see what it's like. I know I've got problems and all but normal people are boring anyway.
Reply
:icontoddntheshiningsword:
ToddNTheShiningSword Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow there's more :dalogo: spam on this one piece than I've seen on dA my entire time to date... :(
Reply
:iconmusicfreak87:
musicfreak87 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013
I had reached the end of the line I took my chances with this now I make all the calls just picture the possibilities
[link]
Reply
:iconetoare:
etoare Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013   Photographer
I had tried everything because of this im always one step ahead ive finally reached the top keep this between us
[link]
Reply
:icontigemari:
tigemari Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013
Quickest Way to Burn Fat
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:iconezekiell666:
Ezekiell666 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013
How to get started making money
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:icongumigirl:
gumigirl Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Stunning. I can relate...you described it so well. :heart:
Reply
:iconlichtie:
lichtie Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
I can empathise on how you feel, it's a tumbling spiral into an ever darkening pit of Despair, until wishing for complete extinction. It's Summer now, some days are wonderful and you actually feel glad to be alive and feel you have a future, then all of a sudden this crumbles into nothingness, not even dust, just nothing. I'm dreading the Winter. I live in the North-East of Scotland. it's dark and grey all the time and very hard to try to lift your spirits. I lost a former lover and friend in the September of last year . She was only 44, and had cancer. I wanted to die. I still think of her at least once a day, the happy, and innocent times we shared make me smile. Then comes the darkness.
Sorry if this makes you feel down, but there are others that you can share your pain with. We'll listen and try to support or help, or even just listen. Your poem/prose is very beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013   Writer
You have described this so well. I hope that it will educate more people.
Reply
:iconagentalex412:
AgentAlex412 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013
i have a number of Disorders. it's sad.
Reply
:icondollfiedream11:
DollfieDream11 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I think I am 55% bipolar because I can definitely relate to this, very nice!
:iconawwwplz:
Reply
:icontheelegantshadow:
TheElegantShadow Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not sure whether or not I'm Bi Polar, but I can most certainly empathize with what you've wrote here.

Very lovely poem. :D
Reply
:iconkenzo097:
Kenzo097 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I am not actually bipolar but i guess I can understand how this feels everyone in my school calls me bipolar cause of my unexpected mood swings.
Reply
:iconnoseboops:
NoseBoops Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm NOT bi polar, but I understand how this feels. ESPECIALLY when I listen to music
Reply
:iconwhitelabmouse:
WhiteLabMouse Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013  Student General Artist
I'm bipolar too and you can control it... If you want to control it that is... if you don't enjoy the attention at some point.
Reply
:iconamberkorpse:
AmberKorpse Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You describe it perfectly...
Reply
:iconamiabletogether:
Amiabletogether Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Bipolar disorder is a terrible thing to experience. I am sorry you have to go through this. But, you can turn your terrible disorder into poetry so...yay... I think?
Reply
:iconthe-pearly-art:
the-pearly-art Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i am bipolar too :c i can fell your pain <3
and i love it great job :squee:
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013   Writer
That doesn't sound right. You claim your disorder has psychotic features, which would mean your mania is more than just feeling so happy your thoughts feel like they could leap out of your body. Being manic with psychotic features is more like, being so crazed you try to jump off a roof to see if you could fly; "psychotic features" literally means your mania borderlines on psychosis, with hallucinations (usually auditory,) delusions, intense paranoia, and catatonia so intense it mimics that of schizophrenia.

What you describe in your piece, if anything, sounds like unipolar depression. And also, you've said in the comments that you have a psychologist. If they're the one who diagnosed you, I would seriously question their validity, because any doctor willing to diagnose a thirteen year old with bipolar disorder is highly unethical (this can be considered malpractice to some, and a good enough reason to revoke a doctor's license even.)
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I didn't go into the mania, I covered mostly the depressive side. I do have mania like that.
My hallucinations are actually less auditory, they're more visual. but i did hear voices occasionally.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me, she was a child and adolescent psychiatrist. :)
Thanks for the comment ^_^
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013   Writer
Alright. But if you have mania like that why didn't you cover it in the poem? :? Or any of your other poems, for that matter? I swear to you I'm not trying to call you out on anything, it just seems that, at least by the quantity and quality you've written it, your depression is more overwhelming than your mania.

Bipolar disorder and unipolar depression transcend four generations in a row in my family - my great-grandmother and my grandmother for unipolar; my father and (sadly) me for bipolar - so I know a lot about both of them. It just seems like an improper diagnosis to adamantly say that you're bipolar, not only because of your young age, but because of how difficult it is to accurately distinguish it from another mood disorder like depression. This isn't to say that teenagers can't exhibit signs or symptoms or experience an episode; often, they do. Bipolar disorder often manifests in early childhood and affects teenagers, but they're dismissed for, as you said, being "moody."

I know I speak like I'm twice your age, but I'm not. However, I'm older than thirteen and it still took me three doctors, several detailed accounts of family history, and nearly a year before I was finally diagnosed. For my father, a doctor he saw at sixteen refused to diagnose him, even when he turned eighteen, and he wasn't diagnosed (let alone medicated) until he was in his forties. I don't know what your story is personally, but I just find it fishy and a little unusual that a psychiatrist, even one specializing in children, would diagnose somebody so young.

Thank you for replying. I understand your work is popular and I appreciate you taking your time to respond to me. I'm sorry if I come across as arrogant or accusatory; I assure you I'm not, just a little suspicious. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Reply
:iconbartun:
Bartun Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013
This is touching, you are an amazing writer, keep writing!
Reply
:iconarden-crystal:
Arden-Crystal Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Student Writer
I'm on the ground
Then I'm soaring,
Way up high.
Up, down, up, down.

The best of times,
The worst of times,
My happy tones,
My wordless moans.

Sticks and stones may break your bones,
But names break the soul.

Don't judge me for what I do.
It's not me nor you.
I'm not as okay as I seem.

Up, down,
Up, down,
It's an endless roller coaster
Of me.

Endless joy,
Bounding confidence,
Cheering, laughing,
Smiling.

Awful sorrow,
Screaming pain,
Broken words,
Undying pain.

It all goes
Up, down
Up, down
Up, down.

My world won't stop
Spinning,
Spinning around,
Turning and jolting.

It's an endless cycle,
But it's not me.
It's a cycle
But it's not me.
Reply
:iconmiccib:
MicciB Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Love it and agreed!
Reply
:iconkobiart:
KobiArt Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Student Photographer
Well-written. :heart:

But, I also say that the disorder is not YOU, as a physical handicap would not be YOU, as a person.
Reply
:icontaloncraft:
TalonCraft Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm assuming that you were diagnosed with Bipolar I, not Bipolar II. It's interesting that you describe your manic episodes in terms of intense happiness. I've not heard a lot of people really describe their manic episodes as happy times, though they did have an inflated self-esteem sometimes. It usually struck me more as having too much energy with a lack of inhibitions. I also think you can only be diagnosed with a specifier of "Severe with Psychotic Features," not just "with Psychotic Features." Otherwise, you may actually better qualify for a diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder (Bipolar Type), depending on the severity and length of psychosis.

I would also caution you about using the diagnosis as a crutch or an excuse for behaviors. Yes, it's good to own the diagnosis to the extent that it helps you cope and gives you a way to understand yourself. However, you can work on recognizing and controlling some of these things, even if it is difficult. Medication will help, but so will getting some counseling and learning how to behaviorally change. Don't let the diagnosis tell you who you are, then use it as an excuse for the world to accept your actions. Become the person you want to be.
Reply
:iconkobiart:
KobiArt Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Student Photographer
I agree. :)
Reply
:iconghearradh:
ghearradh Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013
i understand.
Reply
:iconlmr54:
lmr54 Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
In my experience, if you can get a pattern of your cycle figured out, you can predict when it changes.
Reply
:icongwenvar:
Gwenvar Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013   General Artist
"I’m not just moody." "I don’t choose to have this". Umm, is this based on real feedback from others? :O
Reply
:iconkandyrain:
KandyRain Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013   Artist
I have Borderline Personality Disorder which is in a way, similar. x3 People mistake me for having Bi polar though! Dx I understand, but not fully. Because we are from different walks of life and are different from each other. But I can relate. :( What's worse is relationships. I think it's good to have people who can support you and no matter what you say or do, always be there for you. ^^
Reply
:iconrose-anthoney:
Rose-Anthoney Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Professional General Artist
I share your sentiment, love. It's hard to live with sometimes, but those moments within the lighter side make it all worth it.
Reply
:iconlaapdance:
laapdance Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The structure it's a bit weird at times, but other than that not too bad :)
Reply
:iconkitten-bubblepuff:
Kitten-Bubblepuff Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. :( I can't imagine how hard that must be. Beautiful poem.
Reply
:iconminingfordegus:
MiningForDegus Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
Why is it so extreme T-T
Reply
:icon5-blue-marks:
5-blue-marks Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Professional
Bipolar Disorder is NOT you. I hate the phrase "I'm bipolar"... no, "I have bipolar". Big difference. Never let an illness or condition define you as a human being, it is not the name of your soul. Always remember and hold onto the person underneath the diagnosis and let them shine through without becoming an identity associated with symptoms. The first thing I do these days when I have relapses or slips is to separate my symptoms from my character. I always search for for me, essentially, and when I find myself again amidst all those moods and warped thoughts and delusions and hallucinations, I fight my way back through to the surface.

Goya painted a poignant painting that I identify with when I think of bipolar. [link] You are that dog. The sand is your disease. The sand and the dog are not the same thing.
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:iconkobiart:
KobiArt Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Student Photographer
Agreed. <3
Reply
:icondandelawesome:
DanDelAwesome Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
There's a difference between poetry and blogging.
Reply
:iconkutyus-rex:
kutyus-REX Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Are you saying that this isn't poetry? Its a bunch of words selected and arranged to have an emotional effect. Which it did. Mission accomplished?
Reply
:icondandelawesome:
DanDelAwesome Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
Loathe that anyone should desire a little specificity in times so self-involved and entitled as these.
Which is to say, just because something can be defined broadly as something does not mean it should be. I can call knives and forks lumps of metal because, in a sense, that is what they are but that wouldn't be appropriate or practical.
Reply
:iconninjabudgie:
NinjaBudgie Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Exactly.
Reply
:iconphoenixgeassfire666:
phoenixgeassfire666 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
oh wow nice


i have Bipolar too

ik how u feel
Reply
:iconamericanmustang18:
AmericanMustang18 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
Bipolar does not sound fun. I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, so I know something of the hell that you are going through. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
Reply
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