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Poem things by rainbowninjayoshi

Literature by DevilsJewel94


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Submitted on
June 6, 2013
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Come with me, little girl
Let's watch the rose pedals fall
Let's bury your castle
And put up a brick wall
Lets rip off your butterfly wings
And place them in your grave
The demons have come to get you
You better start to behave
Come with me, little girl
For you can only have the gown for an hour
Do they love you, or love you not,
Ripping pedals off a flower
Come with me, little girl
Let's open your scars
And bury your castle,
In the girl you no longer are...
I'm not quite satisfied with the ending but oh well.
Comments? <3
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:icondruidcentaur:
DruidCentaur Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
do you mean 'petals' not 'pedals'?

Great poem btw
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:iconxxatouchofrostxx:
xxatouchofrostxx Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This reminds me so much of "Brick by Boring Brick" by Paramore! There are a few lyrics that relate well to this;

*"Well go get your shovel/ and we'll dig a deep hole/ to bury the castle, bury the castle",
*"The angles were all wrong now/ she's ripping wings off of butterflies",
*"Her prince finally came to save her/ And the rest you can figure out/ But it was a trick/ And the clock struck 12/ Well, make sure to build your house brick by boring brick/or the wolf's gonna blow it down..."

Nice poem, by the way! I like it a lot <3 :)
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:iconhip-hop111:
hip-hop111 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Reminds me of trick and treat.
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:iconspirallingmoon:
spirallingmoon Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Me and my wife are astounded.
She reads poetry all the time, Though I never go out of my to read poetry usually;
but This was more than well worth it.
Very well done,
9.5/10.

I agree the ending could have a better metre, but that's the only critique I can honestly offer.
Beautiful symbolism which represents the primary life cycle of people in general, but girls more specifically
In our degenerating age of technology.
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:icondeviantartist14:
DeviantArtist14 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
so dark...it intrigues me so much :D great poetry!
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:iconkamizaki-chan:
Kamizaki-Chan Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
The first thing I thought when I read this was: "Brick by Boring brick!? Whaaat?!" But it's a great poem ^_^
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:icondeviantartist14:
DeviantArtist14 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
me too and to make it even weirder i was listening to the song xD
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:iconletheh:
letheH Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
I think the ending was the best part :) kind if ended with an explanation for the sentences opening the poem.
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:icongammel-sjel:
gammel-sjel Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I agree with ~AwkwardBlueDuckie It does remind me of Brick By Boring Brick! :iconparamoreplz:
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:iconsakera-draw:
Sakera-Draw Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
breathtaking, spelling, gosh there are no WORDS to describe this masterpiece!
You're my favorite poet right now :heart:
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