I'll be the princess filled with glee.
You'll be the king, you'll reign over the sea.
Daddy, daddy, come play with me!
Daddy, daddy! Let's play a game
I'll grow up and like magic, i'll change
Into somebody so odd and so strange
Daddy, Daddy. Let's play a game.
Dad, hey dad! Let's do something fun.
I'll pull the trigger of this heavy gun
After I've given you some time to run
Dad, hey dad, let's have some fun.
Dad, come on now, can't you see?
This knife in your back and this bullet in your knee
It's who I've become, who I've grown to be.
Daddy, come on...
Come play with me.
I do like it, but along with some of the other comments I think the mood change happened a little fast. That may just be me though. c:
Otherwise it's very well written. I like it!
I just wrote something very similar - about a dad who misses his lost daughter.
See here: alika-n.deviantart.com/art/The...
Just read yours. Very interesting! But I wonder what the motive is. She wouldn't kill her dad -only- because he didn't play with her. There must have been more. Maybe he said awful things when she asked him to play with her? And that shaped her later? Have the daughter quote something he said to her...
Btw I like very much how you switch between "daddy" and "dad". Pretty good!
Ah screw it were all insane on the inside its just society that makes us hide it.
However, I find it one big metaphor, and not as literal as you meant it.
(For some reason I thought it was about Marceline from Adventure Time at first? xD)
Best of luck with your writing, you're very good
The concept is perfect. It draws the reader in really quick, but it doesn't have enough for the reader to enjoy before being booted out by the ending.
Even if you were going for the lesson of "It's so easy to neglect those who need you, and time passes fast," this is a bit short.
I would love to get a note if you should decide to lengthen this.
It does a great job of tugging heartstrings.
Keep up the good work.