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:iconmikkimarie: More from MikkiMarie


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Literature by DevilsJewel94

Stories-Poems by Psychotic-Succubus

Written Work by racerman56


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Submitted on
July 11, 2013
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Daddy, daddy! Come play with me.
I'll be the princess filled with glee.
You'll be the king, you'll reign over the sea.
Daddy, daddy, come play with me!

Daddy, daddy! Let's play a game
I'll grow up and like magic, i'll change
Into somebody so odd and so strange
Daddy, Daddy. Let's play a game.

Dad, hey dad! Let's do something fun.
I'll pull the trigger of this heavy gun
After I've given you some time to run
Dad, hey dad, let's have some fun.

Dad, come on now, can't you see?
This knife in your back and this bullet in your knee
It's who I've become, who I've grown to be.
Daddy, come on...
Come play with me.
About a girl who murders her father c:
Because I'm lovely.

Anyway... Yeah... comments? :)

Check out my facebook PLEASE ^_^ [link]
I post lots of stuff :3 hehehe
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:iconedithfinch:
EdithFinch Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
My first thought was 'well that was the scariest fucking thing ever, maybe I should turn the lights on', but then I realized that I really like this and this is really cool. Good job!
Reply
:iconoliviavuo:
oliviavuo Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i really like this
to me the story says that when the child was younger she really wanted to play with her father
but the dad refused because he didn't want to and neglected the child
when she grew up she had no one to lead her in the right direction and she just killed him...
Reply
:iconmaiden-of-wolves:
Maiden-of-Wolves Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I really want to sing this and put it up on YouTube for your enjoyment, Mikki... <3
Reply
:iconsurviveroflove:
Surviveroflove Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013
I like it how it turns playful to sinister. What is an idea is that maybe in between her saying daddy and dad maybe put a part in were he betrays her trust or something important. So when she grows up and kills him, she is saying it was his fault for her to turn out like this.
Reply
:iconkmiller104864:
kmiller104864 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013
HOLY SHIT!!! THAT IS CREEPY!
Reply
:iconcelestine8:
Celestine8 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013   Artisan Crafter
There's really no reason why she did it besides the often assumed 'creep factor' of the phrase 'play with me' in a sinister light. As soon as you hit the mood change, you just feel confused and wonder what you're missing and what could have been good, very creepy or insightful becomes cliche. If you wanted to do this better, you should have drawn it out and showed the change in their relationship. You could do it without the 'torture/abuse makes you evil' angle, too and have just continued with your main character being disturbed.
Reply
:iconskullmuffins:
SkullMuffins Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013
My thoughts exactly. >_>
Reply
:iconkennenth:
Kennenth Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

I do like it, but along with some of the other comments I think the mood change happened  a little fast. That may just be me though. c:

 

Otherwise it's very well written. I like it!

Reply
:iconlevymandias:
Levymandias Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Starts out harmless and gradually becomes sinister until I realise whats going on...well done :)
Reply
:iconkiri-yuri:
Kiri-Yuri Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
Very nicely done. I thought it might end badly when I first saw it but to have such an odd and strange thing happen to the girl's father and very well explained very well done.
Reply
:iconyokosc:
YokoSC Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
D:
Reply
:iconadr-emprie:
ADR-Emprie Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013
dark and foreboding I love it. very well written
Reply
:iconsnoswell:
snoswell Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Nicely done
Reply
:iconglassdefense:
Glassdefense Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
wow, powerful
Reply
:iconthemadtrumpeter:
TheMadTrumpeter Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice...
Reply
:iconalika-n:
alika-n Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

I just wrote something very similar - about a dad who misses his lost daughter.  

See here: alika-n.deviantart.com/art/The... 

Just read yours. Very interesting! :-)  But I wonder what the motive is. She wouldn't kill her dad -only- because he didn't play with her. There must have been more. Maybe he said awful things when she asked him to play with her? And that shaped her later? Have the daughter quote something he said to her...

Btw I like very much how you switch between "daddy" and "dad". Pretty good! :-)

Reply
:iconshelbythemisfit:
ShelbytheMisfit Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Dear lord, this is so deliciously dark. I love it. <3
Reply
:icondreyhannah:
dreyhannah Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I actually really liked this. It evolves nicely and I wasn't expecting the ending which was awesome.
Reply
:iconevanexempt:
evanexempt Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
What did the dad do wrong? I think your rage needs a motive. Unless your motive is true evil. But I don't think you're evil... I'm glad I'm not your dad though :)
Reply
:icongloryangel:
GloryAngel Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013
Hm. Interesting.
Reply
:iconseizu-sha:
Seizu-sha Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It sounds sad, like a piece of somebody's life that darkens bit by bit each year. (Like somthing you see in a movie, though this could be reality)
Reply
:iconkijinii:
Kijinii Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Scary... But very nice! I love to read it!
Reply
:icon9-11-00:
9-11-00 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
._. well, that is quite lovely. your rhyme scheme is great... :iconwellthenplz:
Reply
:iconawesomesaucical:
Awesomesaucical Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconwellthenplz:
Reply
:iconcourdigna:
courdigna Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
deep ...
Reply
:iconxxask-bellaxx:
xxask-Bellaxx Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconwellthenplz:
Reply
:iconthisnerdgirl:
thisnerdgirl Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This poem is so messed up but I likes it.
Reply
:iconneuralshock7:
neuralshock7 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
A little abrupt in the change of mood but I like it!
Reply
:iconowlhead20:
owlhead20 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student General Artist
I already doubted my sanity but for some reason I found this clever and I liked it.
Ah screw it were all insane on the inside its just society that makes us hide it.
Reply
:icondeemerr:
Deemerr Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student Artisan Crafter
I...like this...a lot...
Reply
:icontachu-apopo:
Tachu-Apopo Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I ... For some ... "Unusual" Reason Really Really Liked This ....I Reaaaaaaly Did ..... Should I be doubting my sanity <3 %uD83D%uDE1B
Reply
:iconshadowvampireninja:
Shadowvampireninja Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student General Artist
........I LIKE THIS. DON'T ASK ME WHY, I JUST DO, IT'S JUST.... GOOD. :)
Reply
:iconfaiflowritefangirl11:
FaiFlowriteFangirl11 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Creepy at the end but sad.
Reply
:iconsilentangeldying:
silentangeldying Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is good. The rhyming is well done. It's a neat, tidy, eloquent poem.
However, I find it one big metaphor, and not as literal as you meant it.
Reply
:iconamen-no-suomynona:
amen-no-suomynona Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"Daddy~" :iconscarygirlplz: "I can still you breathing~"

So, where's the mom in all of this?
Reply
:iconthesidestreet:
TheSideStreet Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
Good Job. You win a Llama.
Reply
:iconamen-no-suomynona:
amen-no-suomynona Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
THANKS! :iconyuihugplz:
Reply
:iconcosmiccupcak3:
CosmicCupcak3 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
How creepy... lol this is good
Reply
:iconbaneeden:
BaneEden Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Love the story :) Kinda haunting at the same time ^^
Reply
:iconmyusernamesuckz:
Myusernamesuckz Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is pretty awesome. ^.^
(For some reason I thought it was about Marceline from Adventure Time at first? xD)
Reply
:icongermanyismybaby:
GermanyIsMyBaby Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thats amazing.....
Reply
:iconpoppyshade:
Poppyshade Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student Writer
Even with the dark ending it was very good. I just wish it had been longer.
Reply
:iconvarsettie:
Varsettie Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student Digital Artist
That escalated quickly.
Reply
:iconwilnapienaar:
WilnaPienaar Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That is very good!!![link]
Reply
:iconshoujo-slytherin:
Shoujo-Slytherin Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student Writer
This reminds me of "Mr. Brooks" with Kevin Costner. At the very end, Costner finds that his daughter has become a serial killer just like him. Whether it's a dream or reality is left to be seen...
Reply
:iconmeowchi75:
meowchi75 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The mood changed so quick...but I love it!
Reply
:iconicer2638:
Icer2638 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
I wish this was longer. As others have stated, she goes to princess to murderer far too quickly. It should have been more gradual, because I barely had time to get to know the young girl. I feel sorry for her - her dad never had time for her. But then again, I can't feel as sorry as I would have if you would have explained her thoughts more. Give her more depth and emotion, and bridge the transition of her growing up a little better. I don't think it's scary... I'm not sure why everyone else thinks it is :P It's such a sad, emotion-evoking concept, and you definitely could've put more detail into it. Anyway, with all of that said, I like it. I feel for her. It's beautiful, and I'd be very interested in reading an extended version, should you ever make one. Note me, if you'd like, if you decide to :)

Best of luck with your writing, you're very good :D
Reply
:iconsaintregime:
SaintRegime Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree with everything Icer said. It's exactly what I was trying to compose before I saw Icer's comment.
The concept is perfect. It draws the reader in really quick, but it doesn't have enough for the reader to enjoy before being booted out by the ending.
Even if you were going for the lesson of "It's so easy to neglect those who need you, and time passes fast," this is a bit short.
I would love to get a note if you should decide to lengthen this.
It does a great job of tugging heartstrings.
Keep up the good work.
Reply
:iconsynxenq:
SynxEnq Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
Wow! That gave me goose bumps! HAHAHAH! Nice work!
Reply
:iconfashionpixie:
FashionPixie Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh god now I'm scared
Reply
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