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Drink till you’re dead, little girl,
Slide blades across your flesh until the blood
Stops pouring out.
Swallow the pills that make you
Smile,
Spit out the words that make them
Cry.

Daddy said never play with fire,
But the burns on your skin…
Don’t they feel
Good?
Bathe in your blood,
And write with wounds along your
Wrist,
Carry a nightmare in your
Fist.

Because, now, little girl
You aren't so little anymore.
Bury your butterfly wings
In dirt,
Create a grave for your
Dreams.

Swallow the pills that make you
Smile,
Spit out the words that make them
Cry.

And drink till you’re dead, little girl.
Five minute poem...
I dunno xD Don't hate.
Comments and critiques?? :)

facebook! www.facebook.com/pages/Mikki-M…
Add a Comment:
 
:iconin-the-night-skies:
Hey Mikki,
I've been following you for awhile now but never have I felt like you were telling a story I could clearly see in my mind. This poem is so blatantly true in the world today and I love the simple lines because they hold so much power. I connected to each word you chose and I LOVE the line, "carry a nightmare in your fist."
You are a brave, courageous writer Mikki and that says a lot because most writers pull back and you give us comfort in some ways because you think the way I, and probably many others do too.
Overall, this could be the one piece of literature I will read, that will stick with me and inspire me to keep going. The format was clean and it all worked smoothly together to lead the reader through the struggles and you definitely made an impact on me, for the rest of my life. Great, Great, job Mikki, you saved a life today.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
51 out of 52 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconangelgirlartist:
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*claps* Excellent writing
Reply
:iconaugust-skylines:
August-Skylines Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow this was just amazing! I love all your work! Your so inspiring!! <3 :iconsnugplz: :iconslowhugplz:
Reply
:iconnaruxgaara-lxlight:
NaruxGaara-LxLight Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
beautiful... so amazing (:
Reply
:iconlittle-eathquakes:
little-eathquakes Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
this flows well. Beautiful. 
Reply
:icontracystromberg:
TracyStromberg Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Amazing! A usual!
Reply
:icontaintedvirgo:
TaintedVirgo Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Student General Artist
I just think its so powerful :3 thank you for making something this good that people can read 
Reply
:iconrainbow-emblem:
Rainbow-Emblem Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
a very inspirational poem
;)
especially for a five-minute-one,
i couldn't have thought up those words
Reply
:iconthe-unlikely-poet:
The-Unlikely-Poet Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
A very well written aggressive yet meaningful poem. You have created a very fine piece of work here and you deserve all the credit you get for it. I could see this as a song in a way...it would be a haunting piece of music if it was. But well done I like this very much.
Reply
:iconjinxsixx:
JinxSixx Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I love this <3
Reply
:iconlotusxdragon:
LotusXDragon Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Amazing well done! :love:
Reply
:iconlight-dusk:
Light-Dusk Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This was amazing! (Are you okay?)
Reply
:iconacornarchery:
AcornArchery Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Student General Artist
...
Reply
:iconpixy-girl101:
Pixy-Girl101 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Reminds me of my dad and I. I was the cutter and he was the drinker.
Reply
:iconmyrikay:
Myrikay Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Student General Artist
Aw! You're both ok now right?
Reply
:iconpixy-girl101:
Pixy-Girl101 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My dad, so-so. Me, not really. But right now, I'm okay...
Reply
:iconmyrikay:
Myrikay Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Student General Artist
alright...well...try to stay okay? :iconlittleheartsplz:
Reply
:iconpixy-girl101:
Pixy-Girl101 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah...:3
Reply
:iconderpalicious39:
derpalicious39 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013

Oh my god. Really?

 

 

This is too amazing!

Reply
:iconthefluffyrat:
TheFluffyRat Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That was so sad
Reply
:iconapninja2:
apninja2 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
For a five minute poem, you sure have a lot of poetic techniques (most obvious ones are alliteration, rhythm and repetition) used really well. :)
Great Job. :D
Reply
:iconjvartndesign:
JVartndesign Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Professional General Artist
Please get therapy ASAP
Reply
:iconpixy-girl101:
Pixy-Girl101 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So do you. -_-
Reply
:iconjvartndesign:
JVartndesign Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Professional General Artist
I need therapy cos I'm being the sensible adult? Self cutting means you need help I was not remarking on the poem I was advising about the cutting thing. At the time I posted not one single other reply had encouraged this person to get help!
Reply
:iconlittle-eathquakes:
little-eathquakes Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
Telling someone they need therapy in such a hap hazard way is neither mature or sensible. If you were genuinely concerned I.m the writer.Like you I stumbled on this and your comment rubbed me up the wrong way and I'm sorry for putting my bit in but if your commenting on other peoples stuff like this its neither supportive or helpful but cruel and stigmatizing. I know nothing about this author but I do know when I was younger one of the ways I stopped was through art, If all you have to say to someone is ''get help'' I know I'd see that as a put down rather than support or advice. I'm only saying this in the hope you don't comment so thoughtlessly in the future.
Reply
:iconpixy-girl101:
Pixy-Girl101 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You might wanna research more about her instead of making a conclusion right away. Trust me. Been there and made "a fool" of myself. I don't think she's doing it anymore.
Reply
:iconjvartndesign:
JVartndesign Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Professional General Artist
I hope not !
Reply
:iconobsessive7s:
Obsessive7s Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
You're a hater without a doubt.
Don't like, don't read/watch.
Reply
:iconjvartndesign:
JVartndesign Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Professional General Artist
Obsessive if the original poster isSTILL  cutting themselves which is SELF HARM simply liking their poem is not going to stop their cutting problem they need therapy! ITs common sense not hate
Reply
:iconjvartndesign:
JVartndesign Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Professional General Artist
I responded to this perhaps TOO QUICKLY  cos it was on the top page when I logged in the other day and I was concerned about the poster! 
Reply
:iconbl10305:
BL10305 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Poetry doesn't normally evoke that much of a response from me, but wow, did this evoke a response. I'm just sitting in my chair, breathless and wide eyed. This will stick with me. Thank you.
Reply
:icon13thmurder:
13thMurder Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013
I almost thought i was reading the lyrics to a song by The Builders and The Butchers.

Also, unrelated but deviantart has gone all weird and takes me to one random submission when i'm on the main page rather than showing me a list of what's new like it used to. Strange...
Reply
:icondarknessreaper424:
DarknessReaper424 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think I know your problem. There are little tabs on the top right side of the main page, it can change between one large picture to the normal list. Try that and see if it works. :D
Reply
:icon13thmurder:
13thMurder Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
Yeah, that fixed it.
Reply
:icondarknessreaper424:
DarknessReaper424 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Glad I could help! :D
Reply
:icon4-29:
4-29 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013   General Artist
I loved it.:)
Reply
:icontiiria:
Tiiria Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013   Digital Artist
Nice.

Reminds me of all the emo kids in high school that were kinda just annoying and wanted attention... And the few people that were mean to them and told them to just kill themselves...

And it totally sounds like one of those poems that you could read out loud on open mic night over some light jazz and act all dark and artsy. XD Like they do on tv sometimes.
Reply
:iconreyray:
ReyRay Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh wow. Deep. *sees description* FIVE MINUTES?!?! OAO 

JEALOUSYYYYY
Reply
:iconmylifeisamovie:
Mylifeisamovie Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This poem is so beautiful and creepy at the same time (in a good way, of course) :) Have you been writing poetry for long? 
Reply
:iconindigo-moon-shadow:
Indigo-Moon-Shadow Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so relatable and just down right powerful... in such a short poem. Wow.
Reply
:iconx12-1992:
X12-1992 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is amazing
Reply
:iconworldwasted:
WorldWasted Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
hmm, It's a little different, but it's really awesome.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Haha Thanks ! :)
Reply
:iconexquisitecolors:
ExquisiteColors Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Student General Artist
This reminds me of a song that I was listening to today. This is amazing. :)
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks a ton. :)
Reply
:iconanila73:
anila73 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
;-; YOU MURDER MY HEART WITH YOUR POEMS.

...xD
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
D: I'M INNOCENT. I AM NOT A MURDERER. 
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
It made me smile. Am I a bad person because of that?
Anyway, great poem, as usual.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Haha no :) thanks! :)
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
That's a releif. :) And you're welcome. :)
Reply
:icongothlolimanda:
GothLoliManda Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

 

It kind of reminds me of the Emilie Autumn song "Take the Pill" in a good way ^_^

Reply
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August 24, 2013
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