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:iconmikkimarie: More from MikkiMarie

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Submitted on
February 24, 2013
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1.2 KB


155 (who?)
Daddy, please don't touch me.
It doesn't feel good.
It makes me feel..

Daddy, please don't hit me.
I didn't mean to disappoint you.
When you hit me, it makes me feel...

Daddy, please don't hurt her.
Mommy didn't do anything.
When you hit her, it makes me feel..

Daddy, please don't say you love me.
I know you're lying.
When you say you still want me, it makes me feel...

Daddy, please stop screaming at her.
You already killed her.
When you scream at her, it makes me feel..

Daddy, stay there.
Let me sink the knife into your throat.
When you bleed, it makes me feel..

Daddy, aren't you happy now?
As you lie there, lifeless.
I'm only following your footsteps.
This makes me feel...

Daddy, please listen.
I know you can't hear me, but...
I still love you.

The same way you always loved me.

And it makes me feel...

Good, Daddy.
It makes me feel..
I don't really like this one. But I decided to post it since it's one of my poems that ISN'T about labels or stereotypes =P
Comments and critiques?
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This poem is a concetration of pure emotion. There are many out there that will find a connection between your writing and how they really feel. It shows the simplicity but complex nature of a child, or even a grown person's inner child. The repition gives it emphasis, and there is no possible way to read this without feeling at least the slightest of tugs to the hearststrings. (Even grumpy cat would feel something from this, even without admitting it) The way it sounds just reading it, in a child's voice, just makes it impossible to stop reading and leaving the reader to think quite truthfully.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
52 out of 53 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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baby8855 Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No child should have to feel such pain. People that hurt children deserve what they get.
99fluffball Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
....did you kill someone you loved....
Thatgirlmadeofcandy Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I like the this series of poems it floods my mind with ideas to think of things i do write i need to know more of writing this poem sounds like a child with an unloving father of the way it's thoght it makes a nice thing that you can't stop honestly it's myterious
Meginn Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
The way you made this sound like a child, but also made it cut deep is amazing. I love your work :heart:
Seizu-sha Jul 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The story behind it is pretty deep, though it doesn't quite fel like a poem. I don't know why. Guess it doesn't really rime well.
But still it's quite impressive.
so sweet and pure. they sound amazingly similar to how children think, sounds somat like what i said when i was younger, except i didnt kill my dad XD
Melodygirl74 Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
so many comments on here about it being it creepy or a bad thing to write buts its not... its just the truth
CupcakeCarmen123 Jun 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
sheesh. thats not creepy at all.
AloeVeraKill Jun 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow..... This reminds me of a story where the dad raised the kid to be a killer.
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