Sta.sh
Slide the blade across your wrist.
Again.
Again.
Again.
Stop.
"Doesn't it hurt?"
I can't feel anything.
"A little."
Punch your own stomach.
Harder.
Harder.
Does it hurt yet?
Yes.
Keep going.
"Why do you do that?"
The pain makes me feel alive.
"I don't know."
Stare.
Cry.
Scream.
Stop.
Keep staring.
"What's wrong with you?"
I'm dead inside.
"Nothing."
"Emotional freak."
I'm just depressed.
"Sorry."
Stare at your arms.
Your stomach.
Your waist.
Your thighs.
"What are you doing?"
I'm ugly.
"Never mind."
"Attention seeker."
I just have low self esteem.
"I'm sorry."
Cuts.
Scars.
Tears.
Emotions.
"Emo."
"Scene girl."
"Psycho."
I'm just human.
I'm just me.
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Vision: I had a very hard time envisioning anything more than a troubled teenager when I read this. The words were very choppy- in a nonrhythmic way, and I felt that more colorful words could have been used to grab a readers attention in order to really suck them into a certain scene.
Originality: The originality of this piece is lacking greatly. It's all too often that I see the emotions of winy troubled young people make the front page of DA.
Technique: When I read this I honestly had a hard time reading it all the way through. There was no flow that could keep my attention to read it smoothly. Even with the simple uncolored words I found myself stopping and re-reading stanzas to TRY and make it flow. I feel like the wording was very simple and could have been more colorful as stated before. When I finished reading I felt like it had the feel of a very young teen.
Impact: Because of the lack of originality in this piece I feel like there were little to no impact. These types of emotions are plastered all over DA everyday and has become such a huge stereotype. When I read this I heard a young teen crying for attention, complaining about first world issues that all young people are forced to go through. The piece relayed through all of the emotions of a distressed person who suffers from a lack of attention. A person who seeks the wrong type of attention instead of the right kind; help.
All in all I feel this deviation severely lacked in all of the categories it was 'graded' on. The wording is very simple minded, the topic is very stereotypical and overused, and the message it is sending only encourages those who are distressed to seek the wrong kind of attention; attention, uplifting words from people that will never be able to help. When I read a piece like this I want it to reach out to the people who do need help and encourage them to seek the right, healthy kinds of attention and help such as medical, psychiatric, or even putting one's self around the type of people who will promote mental well-being.
First of all, about the poem itself.
I like the flow of it and how natural it feels. It's short and powerful, just the way I like poetry. Long, boring sentences with words you'd never use in real life don't really attract me in poetry
It's not really original... But I don't think art has to be original to be good. Don't people write about the same topics for centuries, already?
About all the rude reactions...
Everybody who says somebody is psycho because somebody does self-harm, should be ashamed of themselves. I used to say stuff like that... When I was an ignorant teenager. I'm a young adult now, and I know better than that. I never did self-harm and I'm convinced it's not the right thing to do... But some people just don't see any other solution. I know what it feels like to drown in pain, to be crushed by sadness, as if your heart is going to explode and you would die because it's too much to carry. So I can understand that some people do self-harm.
Don't let the rude reactions get you down. I think it's wonderful how you react on them... It shows that you, as a 13-year-old, are wiser than them.
I'm proud of you that you dare showing this to people, and I wish you the best in your life!
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