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Submitted on
April 14, 2013
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8,321 (3 today)
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Mom... Did you just...

Pills and whiskey down her throat
As she slowly stumbles down the stairs.

Yes.

Through her cries and regret
She begins crashing into walls.

Panic.

"Call 911!" I yell, as I begin holding my mother
After she collapsed, her head hitting the floor.

Why...

I hear police sirens outside our home.
My sister runs through the front door in fear.

The paramedics begin asking her things
That she barely knew the answer to.

"What's your name?"
"Do you know where you are?"
And most importantly..
"Why did you do it?"

...

"I didn't want to bother her anymore."
And now, the true story of the girl blamed for her mother's suicide attempt.
Happy.
Right?

Well, here it is. Comments, critiques? <3 I appreciate all of you <3
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmanaze112:
this poem (though depressing) does describe something meaningful and describes a terrifying event a short length the free verse poem is short yet descriptive I was able to imagine it easily it was a sad poem but not to the point that I didn't read it it was a small lightly short so it didn't impact me to terribly but it is good work I suggest a poem of higher length and of higher detail along with some description of the time before the event took place like the somber and quiet moments leading up to a strong event like frame it a few days before or a few moments before even. it was although short a good read over all.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
19 out of 30 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconperianth5:
Wow. Just... wow.
It chilled me to the bone, that's for sure.
Everything is just so good! You made the end so there's just that question hanging. Why?
The use of bold and italics helps with the overall fear, and the stanzas are short and to the point.
It's a great idea, and it can be so painfully true for many people. You certainly made me feel the confusion and the idea that everything is happening too fast for her to keep track of everything.
I want to see more like this! Really, really good overall. Well done to you!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
65 out of 79 deviants thought this was fair.

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:icondankdaddy420:
dankdaddy420 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014
shitty
Reply
:iconlaskiama:
Laskiama Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
And that's why I'm afraid to be a mother... I'm afraid of killing myself one day, but I don't want to leave my poor children... Well, I'm still a child myself, but sometime I want to have children. And I don't want to, too.
I just don't know :(

This is very intense. Thank you.
Reply
:iconfireemblemstarllight:
FireEmblemStarllight Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow... this is really sad, so many feelings put into it! It's so intense!
Reply
:icongertrudeabner:
gertrudeabner Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
I'm not sure if I commented on this when I added it to my fav's, but I love this piece...I wish i could favorite it twice...Personally I wouldn't care if my mother did drop dead, and I would understand if she did kill herself, I would too, but we haven't spoken in almost nine years...Sorry if this comment upsets anyone, but I'm not like most people...Loved it so much!!!
Reply
:iconetaniavii:
EtaniaVII Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is about the saddest thing I've ever read. But it wasn't the girl's fault. Not at all. If the girl hadn't been blamed for it, someone else would have. Nobody is responsible for anybody else's actions. Never. Never, never never! Hey can I give you a hug across the internet? There, I just did.
Reply
:iconkuku88:
kuku88 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
...Wow. It says it's a true story, and I'm amazed you were able to write it. :ohnoes:
Glad to hear everything's better though...

This is really sad, and kinda scary. It's hard to think about these kinds of things, especially when they happen to you. :(
But thank you for sharing this most amazing piece of work! :aww:

(PS: I actually faved this quite awhile time ago, but never commented. Oops. xD ^^;)
Would you like to be friends? :iconhappymeowplz:
Reply
:iconsneeuwmaan:
Sneeuwmaan Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Omg. That you can put these things in words in a way that everybody understands it and everybody gets touched, wanting to be touched or not, and that you dare pronounce the things that not everyone dares to talk about, that is one of the best things someone can add to this world.
Reply
:iconhalmtier:
halmtier Featured By Owner May 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm pretty sure sad death scenes only work when we get invested in a character.
Reply
:iconkuku88:
kuku88 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It says it's a true story, so if you can understand the authour, I think it works well enough. :/

This is really sad though. >.<
Reply
:iconkillerlord123:
killerlord123 Featured By Owner May 12, 2013
I... I have no idea what to say. It's so intense... So sad...
Reply
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