Schizophrenia

I think you did a pretty good job on the description of the hallucinations; it matches the descriptions my Mom (Mastersdegreeinpsychology) and the DSM IV TR have given. Now that I've covered the -what I think is- accuracy; I believe you could have done better with the imagery. You use a lot of generalizations, which we all know is a very dangerous thing to do in poetry if the generalizations are -exactly- what we need. So I advise you to try and elaborate on the hallucinations and the feeling of not being understood because of ignorance. Maybe you need to try to immerse yourself deeper into the schizophrenics point of view. That'll boost vision and impact.
Now on the grammar, I notice you're using capitals at the beginning of every line. That's sorta okay because you're using punctation, but some lines are the continuation of the last. Which means you don't have to capitalize the beginning of every line. (It's okay, I have the same problem) Now, if you don't want to worry about the capitalization and punctation, do nothing but make sure the spelling is okay and the flow on paper(webpage) too. That'll boost technique.
I do wonder what or who you are writing this for. Is it a loved one? A friend? Or something you've noticed and have a problem with?