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:iconmikkimarie: More from MikkiMarie

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- Literature - by xDarkShadows

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Submitted on
February 19


698 (who?)
Silly girl,
Whose eyes rain crystals,
Why do you wish to heal?
Do you not understand the beauty
Of your ability to feel?

Silly girl,
Whose grin’s so bright,
Why do you wish to change?
A soul with no emotion
Would appear to be quite strange.

Silly girl,
Whose face is dull,
Why do you live this myth?
You choose to be a shadow,
Smashing daisies with your fist.

Silly girl,
With wounds and scars,
Why have you chosen this death?
No, sinking into your own grave
Would be better than such regret.

Silly girl,
You’ve started to feel,
Just recently you’ve started to cry.
You’ve been down this path again and again,
With a pain you’re designed to deny.

Silly girl,
Whose eyes rain crystals,
Why do you wish to heal?
Do you not remember the torture
Of being unable to feel?
So yes, I finally wrote something again. And I'd love your opinion :) Comments are appreciated ^.^

If any of you are going through something similar, don't hesitate to note me :) I'm always here to listen.

You can also reach me through my facebook:…

Love you all :heart:

Add a Comment:
Ok, I'm going to apologise in advance if I should come across as an arsehole with this critique. But you know, I'd rather a jackass give me an honest critique that can help me better my work than have a kiss-ass that encourages you to a standstill for their own personal gain; be it popularity or promoting their own work.

The Critique- "it's one thing to write poetry, it's another to read it..."

Your first two stanzas are a little contradictory, are they not?
Also, your expressions and analogies are either irritatingly typical of todays youth (crystal-tears... *rolls eyes), or are so forced, they actually make no sense at all (third stanza).
Your rhyming scheme is off, too. It needs to work for the reader and the listener- pick a theme, and stick to it. Otherwise it just reads lazy.
Furthermore, your first and last stanza- first two lines... ok, I get where you was coming from, but this sort of start and finish only work on shorter works., otherwise you need to incorporate it into the middle so it flows better.

To end on a positive, I think this has real potential! Never give up- but make sure to always put 100% effort into your poetry before submitting; proof read, research, and expand your vocabulary.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
55 out of 73 deviants thought this was fair.

i really do like it it reminds me of raven from teen titans sorta but something is missing and i don't know what it kind of makes sense this is a really good and if you don't think so it's fine but this is magic to me. i write stuff like this all the time but sometimes mine can be a little hard core but this is wonder full and really really breaking witch in my term means gory awsome. yeah so that is it really great poem keep up the good work don't give up and do your best
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 18 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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hossainx Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
nice one :)
MADAM2DIAMOND Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Is this a song?
inkuu Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Student Digital Artist
oh my gosh this is too beautiful
after reading this, ive been reduced to tears ;-;
hnnnnn ;adkfaslf; >/////<
Ju-Den1 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014
        Oh my. I had to pause for a moment after reading.
        This. This is marvelous. 
lovely-disgrace Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014
this is extremely beautiful.
NaruxGaara-LxLight Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautiful :3
EpicJawStripper Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014
AuthorKatieOlson Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Student Writer
I honestly understand where you're coming from completely. As someone who suffers from depression your words resonated through me. Thank you for sharing. <3 

I really enjoy your writing style it's very raw and emotional and unhibited. It's difficult for me to convey my emotions through poetry. 
hawkeye51 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful, have you been through this?
animefanbookworm Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student General Artist
That was beautiful.
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