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Silly girl,
Whose eyes rain crystals,
Why do you wish to heal?
Do you not understand the beauty
Of your ability to feel?

Silly girl,
Whose grin’s so bright,
Why do you wish to change?
A soul with no emotion
Would appear to be quite strange.

Silly girl,
Whose face is dull,
Why do you live this myth?
You choose to be a shadow,
Smashing daisies with your fist.

Silly girl,
With wounds and scars,
Why have you chosen this death?
No, sinking into your own grave
Would be better than such regret.

Silly girl,
You’ve started to feel,
Just recently you’ve started to cry.
You’ve been down this path again and again,
With a pain you’re designed to deny.

Silly girl,
Whose eyes rain crystals,
Why do you wish to heal?
Do you not remember the torture
Of being unable to feel?
So yes, I finally wrote something again. And I'd love your opinion :) Comments are appreciated ^.^

If any of you are going through something similar, don't hesitate to note me :) I'm always here to listen.

You can also reach me through my facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/Mikki-M…

Love you all :heart:


Add a Comment:
 
:iconpseudonymlizziedelov:
Ok, I'm going to apologise in advance if I should come across as an arsehole with this critique. But you know, I'd rather a jackass give me an honest critique that can help me better my work than have a kiss-ass that encourages you to a standstill for their own personal gain; be it popularity or promoting their own work.

The Critique- "it's one thing to write poetry, it's another to read it..."

Your first two stanzas are a little contradictory, are they not?
Also, your expressions and analogies are either irritatingly typical of todays youth (crystal-tears... *rolls eyes), or are so forced, they actually make no sense at all (third stanza).
Your rhyming scheme is off, too. It needs to work for the reader and the listener- pick a theme, and stick to it. Otherwise it just reads lazy.
Furthermore, your first and last stanza- first two lines... ok, I get where you was coming from, but this sort of start and finish only work on shorter works., otherwise you need to incorporate it into the middle so it flows better.

To end on a positive, I think this has real potential! Never give up- but make sure to always put 100% effort into your poetry before submitting; proof read, research, and expand your vocabulary.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
55 out of 73 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconpantheratigris10:
i really do like it it reminds me of raven from teen titans sorta but something is missing and i don't know what it kind of makes sense this is a really good and if you don't think so it's fine but this is magic to me. i write stuff like this all the time but sometimes mine can be a little hard core but this is wonder full and really really breaking witch in my term means gory awsome. yeah so that is it really great poem keep up the good work don't give up and do your best
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 18 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconhossainx:
hossainx Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
nice one :)
Reply
:iconmadam2diamond:
MADAM2DIAMOND Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Is this a song?
Reply
:iconinkuu:
inkuu Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Student Digital Artist
oh my gosh this is too beautiful
after reading this, ive been reduced to tears ;-;
hnnnnn ;adkfaslf; >/////<
Reply
:iconju-den1:
Ju-Den1 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014
        Oh my. I had to pause for a moment after reading.
        This. This is marvelous. 
Reply
:iconlovely-disgrace:
lovely-disgrace Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014
this is extremely beautiful.
Reply
:iconnaruxgaara-lxlight:
NaruxGaara-LxLight Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautiful :3
Reply
:iconepicjawstripper:
EpicJawStripper Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014
O-O
Reply
:iconauthorkatieolson:
AuthorKatieOlson Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Student Writer
I honestly understand where you're coming from completely. As someone who suffers from depression your words resonated through me. Thank you for sharing. <3 

I really enjoy your writing style it's very raw and emotional and unhibited. It's difficult for me to convey my emotions through poetry. 
Reply
:iconhawkeye51:
hawkeye51 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful, have you been through this?
Reply
:iconanimefanbookworm:
animefanbookworm Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student General Artist
That was beautiful.
Reply
:iconanimefanbookworm:
animefanbookworm Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student General Artist
That was beautiful.
Reply
:iconleiaw10:
Leiaw10 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
Loved it ~
Reply
:iconbiscuitedi:
BiscuitEdi Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Silly girl,
Stop beeing so devious
Don't you know that's dangerous?
Silly boys will fall in love,
In your soul that runs around.
Reply
:iconsuperior-phoenix:
Superior-Phoenix Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This was somehow very relatable
Reply
:iconmaverest:
maverest Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014
This was very relatable, and it was just pure beauty
Reply
:iconmack0312:
mack0312 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is one of my favorite works from you :)
Glad to see you back
Reply
:iconcharlesliang:
charlesliang Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014
i understand the beauty Clap Clap Clap 
Reply
:iconangel---charms:
Angel---Charms Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014
I really enjoyed this poem... It speaks to everyone differently I think, which is a type of magic all its own. Good work (:
Reply
:iconvamp666raven:
vamp666raven Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer

This struck me really deeply

Like wow

Describes so much

Beautiful

Reply
:iconoldsoul-mira:
Oldsoul-Mira Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014  Student General Artist
beautifully written. it really makes you think; I had to read it twice before I realized that she died. which makes it all the more wonderfulonion dance 
Reply
:iconhoneywolfrin:
HoneyWolfRin Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014
I think I needed to hear this. Thank you. It's really beautiful.
Reply
:iconmalpractiss22:
Malpractiss22 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014
LOVE IT
Reply
:iconchibichikyn:
ChibiChikyn Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist
It's, well, beautiful!
Reply
:iconfractalcrackhead:
FractalCrackhead Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
To the critique-r and anyone that read the pathetic attempt

you didnt immediately grasp the writer's imagery??? are you kidding me? are you of the opinion that poetry needs to be completely transparent for all reading levels?

the writer didnt write an explanatory paragraph outlining every hidden detail. poetry is a very personal thing and if you cant grasp the meaning, maybe youre not the intended audience. maybe the writer isnt concerned with metaphorical transparency.

i also agree with rstoker in saying rhyme scheme isnt necessary and sometimes straying from it or complexifying it can add greater meaning. The fact that youre rating this on how EASY it was to find the meter and cadence of the lines just makes me think youre a terrible reader and probably shouldnt be critiquing poetry. should all rhyme schemes fit the simplicity of a pop song?? Are you an elementary school teacher instilling the basics??
Your ideas on maintaining what you perceive as flow are extremely limiting and really lack imagination. Maybe you should listen to some better music to get a grasp on these stylings as you seem to be trapped in some bullshit sense of intellectuality wrapped in some formulaic, mundane approach to artistry that is creatively crippling. Here's a hint, the poem is categorized as FREE VERSE.

Whether or not the imagery was trendy or original is one thing, but the abrasive manner in which you initially critique someone, whom may be a beginner could easily be interpreted as caustic due to youre use of language. That sort of attitude is a serious hindrance to an aspiring artist in any field. Try to watch your language a little more because a positive intonation at the end can easily be interpreted as pompous bullshit, pseudo-caring, and a sad attempt at seeming like a decent human being 
Reply
:iconanoymousghost:
AnoymousGhost Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
I assume this was aimed at the rather rude critique?
Reply
:iconfractalcrackhead:
FractalCrackhead Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, the rude and anti-creative critique.
Reply
:iconanoymousghost:
AnoymousGhost Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
Okay, Just wanted to make sure (I agree with you 100% by the way)
Reply
:iconciardini:
ciardini Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
This is completely beautiful.  I don't write poetry.  I don't write a lot but I read a lot.  I Love this.  Reminds me of being in recovery from addiction or mental health issues.  The ability to feel is indeed a good and negative thing but in the end it is better to feel and live fully. I'm not here to critique this.  In fact, I have never given feedback on anything.  But this is beautiful.  Thank you for sharing this. 
Reply
:iconask-deimos-1:
Ask-Deimos-1 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I do like it :) 
Reply
:iconbnwrocks:
BnWRocks Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I think this is amazing. It really gives the feeling like you've written this with emotion. And I love that. I really mean it, this is amazing. 
Reply
:iconcry0freeze:
Cry0freeze Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
This is awesome and it holds a deep meaning! I like it :)
Reply
:iconfox-ink:
Fox-Ink Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
yea! another writer!
Reply
:icondragoonyskin:
DragoonysKin Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
this is awesome, good writing.
Reply
:iconyo1000:
yo1000 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
whoa messed up but good
Reply
:iconrisefromthe-ashes:
risefromthe-ashes Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazing and touching! It's something I can relate to in the place I am in life right now. You've worded it perfectly. 
Reply
:icontammydy:
Tammydy Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
;w; that is very touching
Reply
:icongennigenevieve:
GenniGenevieve Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Student General Artist
This is epic! It's really touching and the imagry is beautiful.
Reply
:iconvanepyrorocker:
VanePyroRocker Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Student General Artist
It's amazing....I love it! :3
Reply
:icontransforpuppy:
transforpuppy Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
Amazing! :clap:
Reply
:iconsyinthetic:
syinthetic Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
i can find myself in all of this ...
now, it makes me think ... it is so sad :(
Reply
:iconnhloso:
Nhloso Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Professional General Artist
love this!
Reply
:icontarzok:
Tarzok Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
:clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconamberchangling5000:
AmberChangling5000 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist
Beautiful. Absolutely Beautiful.
Reply
:iconlaylaaquaris:
laylaaquaris Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
I loved it. I think it is beautiful and beautifully written.
Reply
:iconoribe-yasuna:
Oribe-Yasuna Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
luv it luv it!Heart 
Reply
:iconappa-appa-away:
appa-appa-away Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Great work here, love this. 
Reply
:iconchristinawb:
ChristinaWB Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
I really like it and i think it's really beautifully written ^__^
Reply
:iconfenrirrose:
FenrirRose Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hahaha I already watch you, but I found this on the Popular 24 hours page and I thought it was great and then my eyes so happened to drift down to see the writer and I said, "Oh hey~! It IS MikkiMarie's!" ^^
Reply
:iconhawkeyedboy:
HawkEyedBoy Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Hobbyist
(Wow! It's so good! Long time since I have seen poetry like this! Continue writing~)
Reply
:iconssjcybersonic:
SSJCyberSonic Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The thing that often causes us the most turmoil, is the thing that most makes us human.

Take away our emotions and we become inhuman, but let us keep it and we suffer.

'Tis a great paradox.
Reply
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