Because I'm never going to answer.
Stop telling me it gets better
Because I've accepted that it'll never change.
Stop begging me to let you in
Because even then, I'm just going to fake a smile.
Honestly, I had done this in the past. And it blew up in my face because of it. I bottled up my emotions, didn't tell people how I really felt, and paid for it big time. I don't even recall a time when I smiled during my middle school years because I'd done such things.
It's always important to express what one feels, whether they be positive or negative emotions. No, it won't help all of the time. But it's better than keeping those emotions inside, where they can tear you apart inwardly until they burst out.
First I became uncomfortable with who I was and what I was becoming. Then I started to judge myself in everything I did. Of course no one knew because I hid it behind this elaborate mask of a happy, funny guy who had no care in the world. Then it finally all rushed out when I learned that my most beloved childhood cat of mine was probably going to be put down. I was truly devastated. I tried to hide the emotion again but it blew out no matter what I did. With that much negative energy built up behind that mask, it was a terrible display of yelling screaming and throwing things everywhere. I'm not proud of what I did and I wish I would gave talked about it to someone before it was too late.
So don't ever let your emotions build up behind your mask of lies and fake smiles. Instead, find a friend, a true friend, that you would trust with anything, and talk to that person. Trust me, they will listen.
I still talk to them and vent to them when I need to. They've always gladly listened and wanted to help out. Ironically, now that I've grown up, I've turned into a bit of an open book, so it's easier for me to express what I'm feeling.
I'm sorry, but this is completely the wrong message to give people.
It lets people know that this is the 'right' way to think, and tells anyone who might try to help not to bother.
It even directly contradicts what "One Special Person" says.
I am truely sorry, I like most of your stuff and agree with it, but this is wrong on so many levels.
It might end up doing more harm than good.
You're exellent at writing poems!! (but why are they so sad?)
I know what that feels like.
When it goes on for long enough with people telling you things will change and get better, you stop believing it and just accept that it never will.
When people try getting close to you, you probably will let them in eventually, but even then after, all the things you do, theyr all insincere feelings and smiles because you block out from your true emotions so they wont notice, or because you feel its just not theyr business to know.
guess it takes one to know one huh? lol, been through all that, i get were this comes from, sad some of the other readers dont seem to though.... oh well
All the while you're in chains being tormented endlessly with unfeeling pain on the inside.
I must be losing it...
And no I don't have bi-polar disorder or psychosis attributing to it.
Thanks for the comment
Before you get your PhD, I strongly recommend you go work with the people you will one day treat. I once thought the same thing as you when all I did was learn the info from textbooks. Once I began working at a psychiatric day program and learned the history of my patients, many of them reported having symptoms of their illnesses far before the age of 18.
Its a common criticism of the DSM, because many kids fall through the cracks since it was last updated at a time when kids with problems were considered either retarded, ADHD, or oppositional.
That said, the thought that she was lying/self-diagnosing did run through my mind. But most people who self diagnose don't also use the phrase "with psychotic features", especially at age 13. So either she's telling the truth or she's a very excellent liar.
However, I've read the comments before mine and I must say, you seem like the EXACT OPPOSITE of how this poem reads. You seem patient and wise, and like you take most things in stride. This leads me to believe that maybe you are not fully expressing the way you feel and maybe you've been through more than this poem is letting on...
That said, I think the poem itself is weak in comparison to what you may be trying to express. I shouldn't get more depth from your comments than from your work. But you did say it was something quick. Try expanding on this but leaving some of the typical emo lines like faking smiles and things never getting better out of it.
And to show I'm not a total, unsympathetic critic-bitch, I do have some understanding of being a teen dealing with mental illness. I went my entire teenage years not being diagnosed because I was told I'd grow out of it. When I was still depressed and paranoid at age 22, I decided to take it on myself to get help. I'm glad you didn't have to wait to get help! Keep going strong, it DOES get better
The writing isn't the best, to put it simply.
Hahaha, maybe. That wouldn't be good though.
I've looked at your stuff, and I'm not sure what to say to provide a tip. Don't be jealous of this though, it's not something worth being jealous of. My tip to you is to improve some more, and maybe create your very own inspired works. It may take time, but just focus on getting the RIGHT people, not everyone.
I just wish more people would see my work. At this point, I don't even know if I care if it's the right kind of people, lol. I cant improve without critique, but I cant get critique without people seeing my work. Cause my only contact with the artistic community is deviantart for now. While a lot of trolls and emos may have been attracted to this piece, there were also a lot of people like me who gave her earnest critique. When I see quick scribbles like this getting so much attention while I pour everything I got into my work and no one blinks an eye at it, its really frustrating, ya know? Especially because I dont want popularity, I just want constructive criticism.
Perhaps I'll write a short comic biography about depression and show these emos what true depression is really like, lol. And maybe that'll also draw some critics attention as well.
If you wouldn't mind me saying though, and this is just a thought, but I don't like comparing one's stresses with another in the sense that "they haven't gone through anything yet" or "they could've gone through what I have (as an extreme)" when people all react to things differently and also never suffer through the same things, so it is an unfair comparison. So, what once person feels isn't legit simply because they didn't lose someone? Something small to others may seem big to them. I know that's not what you meant, and I may be annoying you by mentioning this, but it's something I wanted to bring forth.
Again, it doesn't matter at all, you've gotta wait for the right people. I've been getting more watchers, but not all of them critique in the way I want. Maybe you should make more of an effort to ask your watchers what they think. I met an artist who had literally 200+ watchers, she's young and very talented, but until I joined her page she was joyous because I was the first insightful person to come to her page (for constructive criticism and feedback). I can see why you want more people, but in all honesty, it is a waiting game. If you start trying to appeal to people by going to the lowest common denominator, that's what they'll expect, and once you try branching out there will likely be a number of people that will leave you.
It sounds corny, but you've got to be passionate (which I assume you are), and you also have to experiment and really make your work unique. I think that's what you need to try. That's just my two-cents. Of course, I'm a writer, so it's a little different, but try experimenting and trying to find out what you would rather do, which isn't easy.
Maybe make a character for a comic series, and something that you and others can relate to. Nothing will work immediately though.
Just don't bring yourself to the lowest common denominator. I am not sure how far anything will get you, but don't obsess over it. Maybe you might get a few good people, but keep in mind numbers don't mean as much. I've recently started to care less about getting numbers, despite my really small watcher size. So... I know you're kind of joking, but don't drop that low. And when people find out that you're just making an attempt of popularity, people will probably start leaving you.
I know you're kidding, but don't consider trying too hard.
Many (not all) young people who would appreciate a poem like this are simply going through puberty and don't realize that things can get better for them if they work at it. They don't understand that there is life beyond the crazy high school drama and cliques and "feeling misunderstood". Everyone has gone through this stage, I think. Which is why it confuses me that it became so popular. As I said before, there are literally thousands of poems exactly like this that people never blink an eye at...but this one (and her other one) skyrocketed to the first page. It boggles my mind.
As for watchers, my main issues again is not becoming popular or getting more numbers so much as getting critique. I can't get better without critique, and I can't get critique without people noticing my work. In the end, if you post work on a website, you post work to be seen, not to just sit in a corner. Anyone who denies this is fooling themselves, because you would just keep it in your portfolio if it didn't matter in the slightest. Asking for your hard work to be noticed isn't really that vain or self-centered. Really, if no one is seeing it, it kinda defeats the whole purpose of showing it. Which is why I actually don't get on deviantART very often anymore. I keep a lot of my work to myself and just accept that I've hit a plateau, lol.
That said, the short comic about depression is something I've actually been considering for a while now. Many people write these emo poems and say "it's about depression", and it really makes people with depression seem like we are all whiny, ungrateful, immature people that just can't deal with a little normal stress. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because the whole purpose would be to raise awareness about mental illness...but if no one is really seeing my work, then obviously it will not raise awareness much, lol. But I figured if this can be so popular, maybe it would catch some people's eyes after all.
Still, life as an adult is still quite stressful. I just don't like to compare one's stress to another because it can be unfair, and people have different skins and sensitivities. Just because their younger doesn't always mean that their stresses are just merely a part of growing up - there may be strings attached.
That is true, until the part of "feeling misunderstood" which to me is a morally gray area. But that depends, and I understand your connotations.
And yes: me saying that there is genuineness in regards to "feeling misunderstood" does go past the boundaries of high school drama.
And that is true too, people do write a lot of works like these, but this skyrocketed in popularity, which is surprising to me too. I'm not quite sure why, actually - but that's usually how it works.
I once read that you wrote "I don't care who does it, I just want a critique" which can sort of come in terms with popularity. A lot of people can make critiques and it's up to you to decide how much you want to consider. But I get it.
I agree, everything you post here is to be seen by others (unless you make it private). However, you don't solely need critiques to improve - having the mindset where you consider what goes right and what doesn't help in terms of ideas, and in terms of execution research and practice help. Try different ways of drawing, try sketches, those kinds of things.
If you practice more and wait, and try to do things your own way (or the opposite - doing what everyone wants) then you'll break that plateau, perhaps.
Although different for writing, I'm personally developing this sort of mentality where I look at my work from different angles. It doesn't eliminate the need of critiques, but it does help in making progress and making decisions. It still helps.
A lot of people are drawn to the topic, as am I, but the execution for it is undeniably... lackluster. Thing is, if you can actually make something very deep and relatable go all for it - that would actually be great if handled well. Your tone beforehand seemed very sarcastic, I think, and that you didn't need to put effort into it to be popular.
Hell, I'd read it if you actually did it - I'm just annoyed it isn't treated poorly.
because I want to wallow in my misery.
It's nice and cosy and so much easier to wail
than to try and change something.
That's how I read that poem. c: