I hope you appreciate honest critique, because that’s what I’m going to give. I’m not at all impressed with this piece. For one thing, it’s simplistic—it trivializes suicide, making it into some little obstacle one has to get past, almost like a road block, and it’s nothing like that. People don’t commit suicide because they’re weak, they commit suicide because they have a bug in their head eating away every positive thought they have. They have a rain cloud over them that absolutely refuses to go away. When I was at my most suicidal, I was unreachable. You could tell me I was stronger than suicide a hundred times over and it wouldn’t matter, I’d still want to kill myself… because my problem was not strength, my problem was how I perceived myself, and how I perceived the world.
Secondly, it doesn’t have much depth or make much sense. Why should you care if I commit suicide? Why should I look you in the eyes and show you my wounds? Who are you to me or me to you? And why do you automatically assume that suicidal people cut or have an eating disorder? While there certainly are some who do, suicide is much more complex and encompassing then that. Anyone can consider it, even people with seemingly happy lives and everything to live for.
Thirdly, you don’t offer any explanation as to why people should choose life over death. What makes life inherently preferable? Basically, you’ve told me to live but haven’t given me any real reason as to why, other than “suicide is weak.” Which isn’t even true, but even if it was, so what? That’s not enough ground to stand on.
Suicide is a very personal issue. It can’t be trivialized. It can’t be twisted with assumptions and guilt trips and childish sentiments. And it can’t be summed up in a simplistic poem.