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Daddy likes to make me
Eat my words.
I see him hit Mommy
And I know she hurts.

So I tell him, to get her
He has to go through me.
And, well, I can no longer walk
And I can no longer see.

Daddy makes me eat my words
And reality starts to flood.
Yes, Daddy makes me eat my words…
And my words taste like blood.
Not sure if i like this one, but i LOVE the idea, simply because I got the idea from this amazing artist : :iconreniraiero:
Thank you for letting me use this idea! :)

Check out my facebook... to help me finish my poems, or to see photos, or to give me poetry ideas, or just to chat :) [link]
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:iconxxatouchofrostxx:
xxatouchofrostxx Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, this is really powerful. Brilliant job, like usual. ;D
Reply
:iconloving-chakra:
Loving-Chakra Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Not only are your words in this poem simplistically stellar, but the skeleton of your poem is superb and deeply profound. I love how the structure is controlled at the beginning, IE. an ABAB scheme, but as it goes along there is less structure. It's as if the speaker has lost control of his or her emotions as the rhyme scheme in the middle changes and is more distant. Emotions seem to be reined in as the rhyming pattern becomes similar to the beginning.
Though this is only my brief take on your poem and from what I can remember learning from one of my college professors.
Reply
:iconwhatifguyplz:
whatifguyplz Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013
even if your dad hits you that's no reason to write poems about killing him. Please, let the authorities handle it don't kill your dad
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I won't haha. These are just stories :)
Reply
:iconfable4693:
Fable4693 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013
I found an easy answer to our problems. Look at this I already started
[link]
Reply
:icon1shilo1:
1shilo1 Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Student General Artist
This poem touches me in a way i just can't explain!
Reply
:iconhgaillard:
hgaillard Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
It is so beautiful! I love this poem! I try to read it everyday! It is SOOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL!
Reply
:iconsherjaxon:
Sherjaxon Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, the last stanza brings it home! Bravo!!
Reply
:iconredemptiarebourne:
RedemptiaRebourne Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
Heartbreaking and brilliant
Reply
:iconracerman56:
racerman56 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Well done, well written, another really good poem, short and to the point
Reply
:iconsavingalexis:
SavingAlexis Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think its perfect, I like it! :D
Reply
:iconjykell:
Jykell Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
What a brave child.
Reply
:icongothfoxgirl:
Gothfoxgirl Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
yup
Reply
:iconslipmaskin:
Slipmaskin Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think "to get to her" would sound better. Perhaps also an "And, so" or a "Thus" would fit in better rather than "and, well", too. Just my personal thoughts (whose elses?)
I like the rhyme, but I can't help but feel that the whole poem is pretty much based on the last two sentences.
Reply
:iconslipmaskin:
Slipmaskin Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Or, well, I'm not too sure about my "and, so" or "thus" suggestions, but my point was that "and, well" feels a bit too common in this context.
Reply
:iconhalnicci:
HalNicci Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think it sounds good, because makes the speaker seem more like a child. If "thus" was used, it would sound like the speaker was an adult.
Reply
:iconslipmaskin:
Slipmaskin Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I thought about that too, that's why I wrote again that I wasn't too sure about those suggestions. I just felt that there should be something else than "and, well" ^^
Reply
:iconmemento7979:
memento7979 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Dark stuff, awesome poem.
Reply
:iconcatgengar:
CatGengar Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013
This is beautiful... O_O
Reply
:icontora213:
tora213 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013
This is amazing...
Reply
:iconearthling101:
Earthling101 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Its simple and really powerful, great job
Reply
:iconbravetamermicko:
BraveTamerMicko Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013
In my case it was Daddy who ate the words (without blood, though). But still, nice poem!
Reply
:icondevloid:
DevLoid Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013
this
i just love this poetry
Reply
:iconkandikane1719:
KandiKane1719 Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist
Well..........that plan backfired
Reply
:iconsamdisbored:
SAMDisbored Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013
You are so incredibly talented.
Reply
:iconreniraiero:
ReniraIero Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:iconamericaomgplz: :iconfrenchsquealplz: This is so much better than mine!!! I absolutely love it!
Reply
:iconearthling101:
Earthling101 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Student Digital Artist
*wild Hetalia squares apear* o.o
Reply
:iconastrogirl123:
AstroGirl123 Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Now this I understand!
Reply
:iconwolfatheartforever:
WolfAtHeartForever Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is really good!
Reply
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