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When I said I wanted a fairy tale
I meant I wanted a prince.
I didn't want to be locked in a
Tower.
I didn't want to be fought by a
Wicked Witch.
I didn't want
This.

When I said I wanted a fairy tale
I meant I wanted to be a princess.
I didn't want to watch a rose
Die.
I didn't want to wear the gown
Temporarily.
I wanted it
Forever.

See,
When I said I wanted a fairy tale...
I expected it to end in a
Happily
Ever
After.

But i never expected it to end like this.
</3 comments, critiques? :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconshui26:
When I first start reading the poetry, the first that catches my eye is the typo of "a" instead of "I." It's small, but because I look for that sort of thing naturally in normally, I begin to subconsciously look for these things in the poem, and it distracts from the message. It might not come off this way to everyone, but for me personally, that's it was interpreted.
Looking more into the formatting, it's a bit awkward. I can see where you were going, and how you were formatting the poetry, but in this specific instance, it doesn't work as well, I want to say because it's just one word every other line. Often in my, and poetry in general, lines are split. With this poem though, there's an awkward pause between lines.

"I didn't want to be locked in a...
Tower.
I didn't want to be fought by a...
Wicked Witch."

Following those two lines, I think it does work a little bit better.

"I didn't want...
This."

With those specific lines it sort of works well, because the pause between lines helps with dramatic effect. Then going on with the rest of the poem, the same concept applies. Some lines are awkward, then one or two use the split lines well for effect.


Moving on from the formatting and grammar, I really like the poem. I've never heard of this idea before, and I actually really like the concept. Everyone asks for the fairy tale, but never thinks of all the negativity that comes with it. In this sense, it's really good.
Your imagery works well throughout the poem, and the ending is very fitting. I like how you formatted in italics, and then bold to help your point. Often I'm personally turned off by people using that sort of formatting to help their point, but in this instance I like it a lot.

Overall, it is a good poem. I like it a lot. Try to look into changing around the formatting a little bit to fix the awkwardness, and be sure your typing is all correct. Otherwise, keep on writing!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
45 out of 47 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconsgtskittle:
SgtSkittle Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i loved it
Reply
:iconediscole17:
EdisCole17 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013
SO true.
Reply
:iconquantuminnovator:
QuantumInnovator Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013
Ask Jesus to come into your heart, and you'll go to heaven, and heaven will be your fairy tale.

Jesus will be your prince, and you will be his princess. You will not have to watch anything or anyone die. You will never be locked in a tower or fought by a wicked witch. You will be given not only a beautiful gown that you can wear forever if you wish, you will also be given a new body, a new mind, a new home, and abilities that no one on Earth has.
Reply
:iconthedogdemonmarossa:
TheDogDemonMarossa Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013
i think you can have a fairy tale, you just need to find the right people to make it come true :glomp:
Someone who will love you endlessly and always be with you no matter what, who will fight for you to protect you, and all the right problems in the way to make an unbreakable bond between you~ :la:
Reply
:iconrosasart:
rosasART Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
so cool
Reply
:iconzah-ni:
Zah-ni Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013
Love it!
Reply
:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013
We all want fairy tales, even the people wanting them wanted one. Those stories are how they wish things would turn out and we all wish the same. Fairy tales don't happen but that doesn't mean that nightmares have to instead. I like this poem and everything it's saying.
Reply
:iconr0dy98:
R0dy98 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i am in love with it :')
Reply
:iconkayiscah:
KayIscah Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Professional General Artist
Actually reminds me of the plot of the novel I'm working on. It plays with lots of fairytale and fantasy motifs....actually I'll go ahead and spam you with a novella I have up free to read online called "The Girl With No Name" [link]

Princes aren't always what they're cracked up to be either. :)
Reply
:iconcalexy:
Calexy Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I love this. </3
Reply
:iconturquoiseillusion:
TurquoiseIllusion Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013
I LOVE this ... :)
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3
Reply
:iconturquoiseillusion:
TurquoiseIllusion Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013
very welcome :)
Reply
:iconhiivala:
hiivala Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Good! Fix "ddnt" though
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
fixed it XD
Reply
:iconai-ni-michita-kokoro:
Ai-ni-michita-kokoro Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
plainly perfect. how do you keep doing this haha :) you're poems make me feel like i'm not alone
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3
Reply
:iconellakwf:
Ellakwf Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013
Like it, very true also!
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconnamerah:
Namerah Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
I really liked this. The rhythm worked really well for me. I liked the emphasis you placed on certain words by starting lines with them (ex: 'Tower' 'Die' "Happily' etc...). I also really liked the concept. Well done.

- Liz
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so very much <3
Reply
:iconcholie:
cholie Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
Wow, this is amazing.
I really like your references and how you ended it.
Keep writing!
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks! <3
Reply
:iconcholie:
cholie Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2013
Anytime!!! If you ever want feedback on anything, feel free to let me know. <3
Reply
:iconrequiem-of-insanity:
REQUIEM-OF-INSANITY Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
The idea of the negativity from the fairy tale is rather refreshing to me! The happily ever afters do not always end so. Yet no one is willing to dish it out for everyone else to see. I truly believe this is deserving of so much more depth. Thank you for sharing your work with us!
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very very very much <3
Reply
:iconrequiem-of-insanity:
REQUIEM-OF-INSANITY Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
Of course! It is never a problem commenting on a fellow writers works! Especially a gifted one as yourself. Once more I myself appreciate you putting up your works!
Reply
:icontigerotter7:
TigerOtter7 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't usually like poems, but this one I love!
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aw thanks! <3 i'm glad!
Reply
:iconfluffyunicorn96:
FluffyUnicorn96 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
ooh I love this <3 It's so simple but leaves an impact.

Many people think of fairytales simply as tales about someone who gets a happy ending. That's not always the case. Many fairytales are gruesome and tragic. Some may end in happy endings, but they always have such horrible beginnings. In fact, some fairytales have wonderful beginnings and tragic endings.

I love this poem because to me, the girl writing is thinking about the stereotypical type of fairytale, and when she gets into her life story, she realizes her fairytale didn't happen the way she thought it should have. I don't know if this is how you were trying to express it, but this is how I received it and I love it. <3
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you soo much <3 <3
Reply
:iconjtcheney:
jtcheney Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The above critique I feel is nit-picky.
I liked the flow and continuity of your poem. I think you have a raw talent that could be polished with just a little more umf! The message is what's important. The message is what's sad.
Reply
:iconkinglorshi:
Kinglorshi Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Student Writer
Kept me into the whole thing. However I can agree with the critic in a sense. BUT. That said, great work. Keep it up!
Reply
:icontheredstripe:
theredstripe Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is very nice, I like it :)
Reply
:iconcazzieart:
CazzieArt Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
I liked it i get where you're coming form, I think like that all the time! Keep writing! :D
Reply
:iconcazzieart:
CazzieArt Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
I like it! I really see what you're trying to get across because I wish that to. except I want the books to come to life! Keep writing!
Reply
:icon5hylis:
5hylis Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
I love it ^-^ it's pretty accurate to certain.... problems :)
Reply
:iconpreussensunflowers:
preussensunflowers Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The format it a little strange, but strange isn't bad! :D
I kinda liked how it punctuated on certain words by the way they were arranged :)
Reply
:iconxxtrampxx:
xxTrampxx Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Lovely, very dramatic in only a few paragraphs. c:
Reply
:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Clever concept! Nicely done. I agree with the critique about the choppy lines. I think longer pieces would make it a much smoother read.
Reply
:iconkimou-san:
kimou-san Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
I like it. Is different but in a good way, in a really good way. You should try writing more poems like this one or with more different topics for the sake of variety.
Reply
:iconchrissiemusa:
Chrissiemusa Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Amazing! I love it
Reply
:iconsomelamestuff:
SomeLameStuff Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Reminds me of a phrase a cousin told me...

"Stories that end with 'Happily Ever After' are stories that just aren't finished yet."

Depressing... but it's helped shape how I write. Speaking of which, I need to plan for Camp NaNoWriMo next month >.<
Reply
:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Woah, that's kinda cool.
Reply
:iconsomelamestuff:
SomeLameStuff Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I suppose it is! In a child-dream-crushing kind of way >.<
Reply
:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hahah it's gotta happen eventually.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
D: THAT'S A SAD SAYING!
Reply
:iconsomelamestuff:
SomeLameStuff Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Just imagine how my 7 year old self felt when I was told that =(
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
D:
Reply
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