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Submitted on
March 19, 2013
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When I said I wanted a fairy tale
I meant I wanted a prince.
I didn't want to be locked in a
Tower.
I didn't want to be fought by a
Wicked Witch.
I didn't want
This.

When I said I wanted a fairy tale
I meant I wanted to be a princess.
I didn't want to watch a rose
Die.
I didn't want to wear the gown
Temporarily.
I wanted it
Forever.

See,
When I said I wanted a fairy tale...
I expected it to end in a
Happily
Ever
After.

But i never expected it to end like this.
</3 comments, critiques? :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconshui26:
When I first start reading the poetry, the first that catches my eye is the typo of "a" instead of "I." It's small, but because I look for that sort of thing naturally in normally, I begin to subconsciously look for these things in the poem, and it distracts from the message. It might not come off this way to everyone, but for me personally, that's it was interpreted.
Looking more into the formatting, it's a bit awkward. I can see where you were going, and how you were formatting the poetry, but in this specific instance, it doesn't work as well, I want to say because it's just one word every other line. Often in my, and poetry in general, lines are split. With this poem though, there's an awkward pause between lines.

"I didn't want to be locked in a...
Tower.
I didn't want to be fought by a...
Wicked Witch."

Following those two lines, I think it does work a little bit better.

"I didn't want...
This."

With those specific lines it sort of works well, because the pause between lines helps with dramatic effect. Then going on with the rest of the poem, the same concept applies. Some lines are awkward, then one or two use the split lines well for effect.


Moving on from the formatting and grammar, I really like the poem. I've never heard of this idea before, and I actually really like the concept. Everyone asks for the fairy tale, but never thinks of all the negativity that comes with it. In this sense, it's really good.
Your imagery works well throughout the poem, and the ending is very fitting. I like how you formatted in italics, and then bold to help your point. Often I'm personally turned off by people using that sort of formatting to help their point, but in this instance I like it a lot.

Overall, it is a good poem. I like it a lot. Try to look into changing around the formatting a little bit to fix the awkwardness, and be sure your typing is all correct. Otherwise, keep on writing!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
42 out of 44 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconsgtskittle:
SgtSkittle Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i loved it
Reply
:iconediscole17:
EdisCole17 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013
SO true.
Reply
:iconquantuminnovator:
QuantumInnovator Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013
Ask Jesus to come into your heart, and you'll go to heaven, and heaven will be your fairy tale.

Jesus will be your prince, and you will be his princess. You will not have to watch anything or anyone die. You will never be locked in a tower or fought by a wicked witch. You will be given not only a beautiful gown that you can wear forever if you wish, you will also be given a new body, a new mind, a new home, and abilities that no one on Earth has.
Reply
:iconthedogdemonmarossa:
TheDogDemonMarossa Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013
i think you can have a fairy tale, you just need to find the right people to make it come true :glomp:
Someone who will love you endlessly and always be with you no matter what, who will fight for you to protect you, and all the right problems in the way to make an unbreakable bond between you~ :la:
Reply
:iconrosasart:
rosasART Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
so cool
Reply
:iconzah-ni:
Zah-ni Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013
Love it!
Reply
:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013
We all want fairy tales, even the people wanting them wanted one. Those stories are how they wish things would turn out and we all wish the same. Fairy tales don't happen but that doesn't mean that nightmares have to instead. I like this poem and everything it's saying.
Reply
:iconr0dy98:
R0dy98 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i am in love with it :')
Reply
:iconkayiscah:
KayIscah Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Professional General Artist
Actually reminds me of the plot of the novel I'm working on. It plays with lots of fairytale and fantasy motifs....actually I'll go ahead and spam you with a novella I have up free to read online called "The Girl With No Name" [link]

Princes aren't always what they're cracked up to be either. :)
Reply
:iconcalexy:
Calexy Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I love this. </3
Reply
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