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The sun melted into the glamorous sky
The moon stood there, hidden by sweet lullabies.

But mommy was crying, her day had been hard
The tears in her eyes twinkled just like the stars.

Her face wasn't happy like it should have been
And though she was saddened, she forcefully grinned.

I wanted to see Mommy smile through it all...
I painted a picture on her bedroom walls.

I told her to look, just to come in and see
But Mommy was angry... she wasn't happy.

She threw me down hard on the cold wooden floor
Then picked me up, slamming my head on the door.

She yelled and she screamed, then she hit me once more
She slapped me till I couldn't see anymore.

My heart then stopped beating, my laugh went unheard
Then Mommy got up without saying a word.

She looked at the walls splattered with my young blood
Then fell to the ground in her tears with a thud.

She looked at my face, then she looked all around
Then wrote on the walls with the first thing she found.

Then, after she finished, she wanted self harm....
She sat on the ground, putting me in her arms.

She reached for the knife she had placed on her bed
Then stabbed her own body... she cried as she bled.

The words on the wall echoed throughout the room...
"I love you so much, Mommy... get better soon!"
An older poem that i wrote :)
Comments and critiques? <3
Add a Comment:
 
:iconeddygrunge:
Very dark, very gloomy. As far as the aim went you hit a bullseye and it was very well done. I'd say this is a professional work of art being that not many people know how to make words sing, even with such a sad tone. I am curious as to how you came up with the story, though. Has your past been haunted by bad memories? Does this poem make those memories less painful or are they just on a page now? If you took this to an unbiased competition then you would rank very high through excellent visuals and emotional attatchment. Good Job
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
17 out of 17 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconoceansilverbreeze:
OceanSilverBreeze Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
Usually when I say "I'm crying" I mean it in the "this is so sad" kind of way. Not this time. I'm actually, literally crying. I read the last line and my heart contracted; my body tingled; my tears fell. That was like a knife to my heart, stabbing and then slicing upwards.
Reply
:icontenmarko:
TenmaRKO Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013  Student Filmographer
no wonder everyone's crying here, i did too

its sad when you try to do things to cheer up someone, but find out they just hit you hard in the face <:c excelllent job, i must keep saying, it touched my heart
Reply
:iconseizu-sha:
Seizu-sha Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's a great poem, a sad, but great poem.
I love how you wrote it down, You're one of my favorite poetists.

I heard that this kind of things happen in reallife too. It's just so sad.
Reply
:iconschizets:
schizets Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Student Artist
I agree, you are one talented girl! keep it up sister :)
Reply
:iconsteampunk08:
Steampunk08 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I'm crying while i type this.
Reply
:icongir22459:
Gir22459 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I'm crying
Reply
:icondave-bischoff-expess:
dave-bischoff-expess Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Professional General Artist
This poem hit me hard.

I was abused, both my sister and I, by a sadistic step-father. Then surreal experiences while on ground manoeuvres with the U.S. Army in Vietnam left me with PCSD. We used to self-medicate with weed & booze.

I can't feel your pain. but I can empathize and be a friend.
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
It's a good thing I forgot how to cry. Otherwise, I'd be drowning right now.
Reply
:iconvaingloriousmustache:
VaingloriousMustache Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2013  Student Artist
This gave me chills. I kinda hate it, but only because it's so effective.

Please take that as the compliment it was intended to be.
Reply
:iconwolfatheartforever:
WolfAtHeartForever Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
amazing!
Reply
:iconphoenixofwinterfell:
PhoenixOfWinterfell Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Student Writer
I'm speechless... It's a dark, but beautiful, and at the same time, sad, poem, that give chills just to imagine that really happening... It's a great, great poem.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aw thanks <3
Reply
:iconnickolarovox:
NickolaRovox Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
This is the sort of writing that gives people nightmares, almost like a creepypasta. Love it, keep up the great work.
Reply
:iconeraven77:
ERaven77 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Again I am speechless. Stunning...
Reply
:iconsilverscreams999:
SilverScreams999 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013
wow this one made me cry
Reply
:icontoenemende-maan:
toenemende-maan Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the idea of it, but some of the lines read really awkwardly. This one especially: She looked at the walls splattered with my young blood.

It would have been so much less jarring if the line had read, "She looked at the walls, all splattered in blood." The way you've worded it really throws off the cadence.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I would change it, but i wrote this when i was ten :) It's sort of like keeping track of my progress.. how i wrote then, and how i write now :) Thank you!! <3
Reply
:iconchrissiemusa:
Chrissiemusa Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's so sad! Beautifully written but so terribly sad. Made me cry
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry D:
Thanksss :)
Reply
:iconjaderheanna:
jaderheanna Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think my heart just stopped and all my feels went everywhere the second I hit the line about her falling to her knees.

This tugged a heartstring. Seriously. But I love it.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aww i'm sorry! D:
Thank you so much ^.^
Reply
:iconshiroiri:
ShiroIri Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That was amazing. Oh the feels! Great job!
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thankssss :3
Reply
:iconastrogirl123:
AstroGirl123 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow. This made me cry. I think I'll do a drawing of this.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aw thanks :)
Reply
:iconbreathinbreathout:
breathinbreathout Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013   Writer
GOD THIS IS SO GOOD
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks bro :)
Reply
:iconbreathinbreathout:
breathinbreathout Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013   Writer
mmhmmm
Reply
:iconsilencedbook9:
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student Writer
Sadness .......
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry!
Reply
:iconsomelamestuff:
SomeLameStuff Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Damned ninjas cutting onions... LEAVE ME ALONE! ;-;
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
D: I'm sorry! I'm one of those ninjas... ._.
Reply
:iconsomelamestuff:
SomeLameStuff Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Can't you cut carrots instead?! D=
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Onions will rule.
Reply
:iconsomelamestuff:
SomeLameStuff Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Mikki
Wat R U Doin
Mikki
STAHP! ;-;
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
o plz :3
Reply
:iconlovelovefleetway:
LoveLoveFleetway Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
FEELS. FEELS EVERYWHERE. ;_;
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Muahaha? ._.
Reply
:iconlovelovefleetway:
LoveLoveFleetway Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconaawplz: I needed that muahaha...
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
YAY I HELPED SOMEONE :')
Reply
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