Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
You'll never understand...
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
For you.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconhygroskopika:
Vision:
It gets clear what you write about. Somehow you wish to be understood, especially by people who are very close to you; that might make you feel less alone. But then you think about what they would have to comprehend - and you realize that this is so excruciating that you want to spare your friends the pain they would have to go through, just as you say in your poem.

Originality:
The basic idea is the attempt not to burden the people you love with your own problems - an idea that occurs from time to time, but that is not overused.

Technique:
It is a very short and very simple poem, outright and precise. Nevertheless, you say all that has to be said. The first line stands in contrast to the rest and seems to express the misery of not being understood. You leave open what shall be comprehended at all, which makes the poem fit so several situations. Your text can be easily read, but something still bothers me a little, although I can't make out what it is. Maybe you could have decided on 'd or on would instead of using both, and you could have used small letters to begin the lines that start in the middle of a sentence. Just to make it a little clearer...

Impact:
The poem is appealing and deals with an occurrence several people might know. I am not sure how persons who are not used to the situation you describe will be affected, but if you have been in similar circumstances, the lines are very familiar. And without using many words, you encapsulate everything crucial.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
35 out of 37 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconartstasndarts:
artstasndarts Featured By Owner May 21, 2014
<font><font>verry imressiv and faithful poetry;- realy</font></font>
Reply
:icontenshi-no-hane-okami:
Tenshi-no-hane-Okami Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
So true...no one needs to go threw pain
Reply
:iconanythingbtordinary:
AnythingBtOrdinary Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love this perspective. I agree sometimes I wish people could relate to me but I would never wish my hurt upon them...
Reply
:iconninquetari:
ninquetari Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
I understand.
Reply
:iconeeriewhisper:
EerieWhisper Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
AWESHUM
Reply
:icondreyhannah:
dreyhannah Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I love your poems so much!! I feel like you know exactly whats going through my head.
Reply
:iconwolfkid1031:
Wolfkid1031 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013  Hobbyist Interface Designer
I love this...it reminds me of my best friend and me...im happy you wrote this and you understand
Reply
:iconlesmizlover:
LesMizLover Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013
AWESOME!!
Reply
:iconmoonlightshines9467:
moonlightshines9467 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
**Speechless**
Reply
:iconbreathinbreathout:
breathinbreathout Featured By Owner May 26, 2013   Writer
love how its short and to the point :)
Reply
:iconitachifan-girl:
Itachifan-girl Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is really good. It expresses you and how you feel. It shows that you've been through shit that you are to kind to wish upon anyone else. Nice job
Reply
:iconzephroxeon:
Zephroxeon Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
these are the words... the ones I've always tried to say but never could get it out properly.
you are brilliant, and i cannot thank you enough for uploading this.
Reply
:iconuntamedrayne:
UntamedRayne Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i know this feeling
Reply
:iconahlukon:
Ahlukon Featured By Owner May 18, 2013
So short yet so good.
Reply
:iconsammyxfreak:
sammyxfreak Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
sorry to tell you this, but I think I understand. I have been through the pain and in and out over and over again like a person in a damaged raft that keeps on improperly trying to repare it after going under in the corrosive salt water for so long, it being about to float for a little while and then soon going back under to the sharks and other monsters that lye in the water waiting for you.
Reply
:iconsuper-neko-chan:
Super-Neko-chan Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I understand completely. It's hard not being understood, but I am glad people don't understand me. I let myself become numb to certain emotions a long time ago, and I've been avoiding them ever since. I can see that you're someone who gets that, and I'm sorry you have to. I wouldn't wish my problems on anyone, and yet there are people out there with problems that are far worse.
Reply
:iconsilviamarti:
SilviaMarti Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Powerful :D

:icongoodjobplz:
Reply
:iconthemoltendragon:
TheMoltenDragon Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love this. You have a fantastic way with words.
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
I understand... And I don't care anymore. I became numb a long time ago...
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
D: I'm sorry.
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Don't be. I hate when people feel sorry for me. I read your stuff and I never felt sorry for you. I admired your strenght and willpower instead.
Reply
:iconzephroxeon:
Zephroxeon Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
it seems that you feel sad from this, you are not fully engulfed in despair
not if you have a splint of emotion remaining
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Mostly negtive emotions, but emotions anyway...
Reply
:iconzephroxeon:
Zephroxeon Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
feel grateful you have not surpassed emotion
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
How could I? They're all around us and within us. And there's nothing we can do about it.
Reply
:iconzephroxeon:
Zephroxeon Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It is what actual numbness is... I knew what it was like once... But then when i thought it couldnt get any worse, it was like all luck turned toward me for a bit... If you want to know what it numbness feels like, i can describe it as an insanity inside you that you are aware of.
I say that it is not full insanity because people who are insane are not aware of themselves...
Sorry but i would rather not think about it anymore... It feels sickening
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icontigerdemon12:
TigerDemon12 Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Awww!
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
haha :)
Reply
:iconsomelamestuff:
SomeLameStuff Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Unfortunately, I do understand... all too well... >.<
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I sowwy!
Reply
:iconsomelamestuff:
SomeLameStuff Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's not your fault! Unless you're the one who stole my ice cream when I was 10... =P
Reply
:iconastrogirl123:
AstroGirl123 Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You always make a good point. :3 That's great. :D
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconqwibes:
qwibes Featured By Owner May 13, 2013   Writer
Very nice, a whole story in a few sentences :)
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you ^_^
Reply
:iconmabusthedark:
MabusTheDark Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Started off a bit harsh, but ended nicely. A very sweet poem!
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much! :D
Reply
:iconmabusthedark:
MabusTheDark Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconrammith:
Rammith Featured By Owner May 13, 2013
I love it :D
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icongregoryma:
gregoryma Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
short sweet and to the point. I cant write short poems it doesn't feel right XD
Reply
:iconmikkimarie:
MikkiMarie Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I barely ever can haha... xD Thanks :)
Reply
:icongregoryma:
gregoryma Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
lol welcome :)
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconmikkimarie: More from MikkiMarie


Featured in Collections

Literature by LunaDianaRaine

Stories-Poems by Crazed-Kitsune


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
May 13, 2013
File Size
276 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
2,671 (1 today)
Favourites
210 (who?)
Comments
48
×